I’m sure it’s not but it feels like everything is moving so fast.

It’s only been one week since Faith and I had sex but I feel like there are all these decisions to make.  You know, who I should tell, who I don’t wanna tell, that kind of thing.  No one knows yet but it’s only a matter of time before everyone does if what Faith and I are doing lasts.

When we went to my house the morning after, I pretty much acted like nothing had happened.  I had bigger worries of what my mom was going to do to me to think about anything else.  Faith was great with that though.  Because she backed up my lie, I got off with only a stern warning and a talking to about calling home so she would know I’m alive.

We didn’t act couple-y at all while Faith was at my house and she was there most of the day.  We just hung out and talked a little.  She told me some stories from Boston, some that were so outrageous I don’t know if they’re true, and I told her a little more about what it’s like to be a slayer in Sunnydale.  Outside of that, we only watched a couple movies before my mom started asking Faith a few questions and she started to look a little uncomfortable and left.

Once the week started, we only had a few moments here and there outside of slaying to do any talking at all.  Giles was always there when we were in the library and my friends were normally there, too.  We didn’t have much time alone.

During the downtime on patrol the only thing we decided was that we liked being together.  What Faith actually said was that she wanted to keep seeing me naked but I chose to look past the Faith-speak and translated it into what a normal person would say.  I told her I wanted to get to know her better which I believe she translated into that I’d like to keep seeing her naked, too.

The problem was we never had time to discuss much else.  We didn’t decide on if or what we should tell others, if we should even tell Giles.  Neither of us said how serious we want to be, if we should keep it real casual for now or if we can really say we’re dating.  I don’t know how Faith would take that conversation.  I get the impression she’s never really dated before and I’m not about to be all casual if we’re having sex.

The biggest problem has been I didn’t tell anyone what happened, not even Willow, so for them the whole week was business as usual.  This meant I got some prodding about starting to date again.  They keep pushing me toward asking Scott Hope out and pretty soon they might not take no for an answer if they think I’m available.

The first couple times I was pushed to date, Faith wasn’t around and the first time she was I didn’t get a chance to see the look on her face.  I knew whatever look she had would likely show just how serious she was about us.  If I looked at her and it looked like she didn’t care that I was being told to date someone else, I figured that was my sign that this was a mistake and that I should move on. 

On Wednesday, everyone was in the library and Willow suggested that I meet up with Scott at the Bronze that night because she just knew we would hit it off.  Faith was standing by the cage and only I could see her when Will suggested it and the look on her face was a combination of priceless and a little scary.  She looked both crushed by the suggestion and so angry I thought she might go after Willow.  Thankfully, that didn’t happen but I definitely had my answer.

She looked that way every time someone brought it up in her presence and each time she looked a little angrier.  I wanted to pull her aside and talk to her about it, let her know I had no intention of dating someone else, not while we were in the middle of something, but there just wasn’t time.  We were never alone.

Now it’s Friday again and all I have is questions on what I should do next.  I think I know how Faith feels and I know how I feel.  It’s just a matter of getting us to actually talk about it. 

We haven’t even had much contact since our night.  There hasn’t been any time to even think about having sex again even though I know there were a couple nights Faith wanted me to stay with her.  There was no way I would’ve gotten away with that.  My mom may be more lenient since she found out about the slaying but not coming home on a school night, even if I called, would end with more than just a warning.  That means the most we’ve done is made out a couple times. 

I’d just eaten dinner with my mom and was getting ready to patrol when the doorbell rings and suddenly my mom’s yelling.

“Buffy, Faith’s here!”

I instantly freeze because Faith’s never met me at my house to patrol.  We always meet at the cemetery closest to my house and work our way through them.  Also, it’s still a little too early to start patrolling.  I wonder if something’s wrong and when I turn to walk out of my room, Faith’s already at the doorway.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” I say back quietly, noticing Faith looking around my room.  I don’t think she’s ever really been in here, not for more than a minute anyway.

“You, uh, ready to go?” Faith asks and I think she’s a little nervous.

“It’s a little early,” I respond.

“Oh, right,” she says as she shifts from one foot to the next.

I look around for a moment, wondering if we should have the talk I want to have in my room.  I don’t mind for the most part but I don’t want my mom to overhear anything and especially don’t want her to catch us doing something I never want my mom to catch me doing.  No, we need to be somewhere we can be fully alone.

“You wanna maybe go for a walk?” I offer.

“You mean we don’t walk enough patrolling every night?” she asks, laughing lightly.  I just look at her until she stops.  “Okay, let’s go.”

I smile in response and we walk out of my room and down the stairs.  After a quick goodbye to my mom, we leave and start walking along the sidewalk slowly.  Neither of us says anything for a couple minutes.  We just walk side by side until finally the silence was too much for me.

“So after patrol you wanna hang at the Bronze?” I ask, not knowing what else to say.

“Why?  Is Scott Hope gonna be there?” she asks back sarcastically, looking over at me with a raised eyebrow.

I knew she’d bring that up and I think I needed her to.  It’s kinda how we need to start the talk, I think.  “Why?  Do you wanna ask him out?”

“No, but I think you do,” Faith says almost bitterly.

“No, I don’t,” I say quickly.  “I’ve never said I wanted go out with him.  I’ve never even brought it up.  That was all Willow and the rest of them.”

She doesn’t say anything for a minute, just keeps her eyes on the sidewalk as we continue to walk down the block.  We’re going so slow that at this rate it will be dark by the time we hit the first cemetery.  That might be good though.  Maybe it’ll be the time we need to go through what we seem to desperately need to.

The silence from Faith is really getting to me though.  She still hasn’t said anything.  “Faith?  You know I’m serious, right?  I’ve never wanted date Scott.”

“Why don’t you say that?” she finally asks as she looks at me.  “They keep pushing you and you don’t say anything.”

“What do you want me to say?” I ask.  I know what I want her answer to be.  I want her to say she doesn’t want me to date Scott because she wants to date me.  Not just for sex either, I mean actual dating but I’m not sure that’s what she means.

Faith scoffs and starts to walk faster, moving away from me and I have to fight to keep up with her.  “I don’t get what game you’re trying to play, B, but it sucks.”

Games?  She thinks I’m playing games?  “I’m not playing anything, Faith.  I’m telling you the truth.”

She’s almost at a run she’s moving so fast but suddenly she just stops.  “Was last weekend nothing?  Did you suddenly forget everything?”

Now I’m confused.  “What you do mean?”

“B, I don’t let people get close.  I’ve gotten burned too many times but I thought you were different.  I thought you were like me, you know?”  She sighs.  “I actually told you I liked you.”

“Oh.”  So that’s what this is about.  I think she’s afraid and I bet she doesn’t like that feeling very much.  I want to reach out to her but I’m afraid of how she’ll react.  Faith looks a little angry, both with me and herself.  “I didn’t forget but we never talked about what it meant.”

“Does everything need to have some big discussion?” Faith asks before she starts walking and I have to keep up with her yet again.  “I said I liked you.  That I knew you weren’t about screwing around and flings and all that.  We agreed that we wanted to . . . see each other.”

I can’t stop the quiet laugh that escapes.  “You’re not comfortable saying that, are you?”

“Probably about as comfortable as you thinking about it or admitting it,” Faith responds, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Do you really think I don’t want this?” I ask.  “Even after I said that’s what I wanted.”

Neither of us says anything for a minute.  We don’t even look at each other as we walk past a couple groups of people.  It’s starting to get darker and we’re almost at the first cemetery but slaying is the last thing on my mind.  Right now it feels like Faith and I are having a breakup fight and we barely had a chance to get started.  Hell, I didn’t even know we were in any sort of relationship yet but I think that’s what Faith felt.

Once we pass another group of people I reach out, taking her hand and making her stop.  “What do you want, Faith?”

She looks at me long and hard before answering.  “You.  I thought that was pretty fuckin’ obvious, B.  I’m getting that you don’t feel the same.”

“’Cause I didn’t tell everyone I wasn’t interested in Scott?  That I’m with you?”

“Are you?” Faith asks as she stares at me.  Her look is so intense but I know I can’t look away.  I know how she’ll take that and it won’t be good.

This feels like an argument waiting to happen ‘cause even if I say yes, and that’s what I want to say, it feels like Faith will fight me on it.  Also, we’re starting to walk toward a more crowded area and I don’t wanna have a fight with an audience.  I’m almost thinking we should go back to my house but since my mom’s there we still might have an audience. 

It’s getting darker and we should probably start thinking about the cemeteries we need to go through and how long of a patrol we should do tonight but we’d be useless if we’re fighting.  It may help us take some aggression out on the vamps but I know it’ll distract me and I don’t like distractions when I’m slaying.  I like making it through the night without dying.

Faith scoffs and shakes her head.  “You can’t even say it.”

I blink and realize I’m still holding her hand.  “I’m don’t wanna do this here.”

Before she has a chance to say anything, I start walking quickly, still keeping hold of her hand.  She doesn’t try to pull away, which is what I kind of expect, but instead lets me pull through the areas of downtown Sunnydale.  After a few blocks I bet she’s figured out where I’m taking her: I’m heading right for her motel room.

It doesn’t take very long because we’re both walking fast but soon we stop in front in her door.  I wait for her to unlock the door and get us inside but Faith just stares at me, like she doesn’t know what to do.

“Faith,” I say, letting go of her hand.  “Are we going in and are we just going to stand out here?”

“Whatever,” Faith mumbles as she looks away from me and unlocks the door, walking in and letting me inside.

Once the door’s closed, I turn to Faith.  “Do you want me to tell everyone we’re dating when we never even talked about it?”

“We did talk about it,” Faith insists.  She sits down on the edge of the bed, looking a little confused and frustrated.

I think for a second and I know what she’s talking about.  She’s talking about the morning after when I said I was okay with everything and then we went to my house for breakfast, after some steamy sex in the shower anyway.  That doesn’t seem like a “let’s be in a relationship” talk to me but maybe that’s as close as she’s ever come to one.

“Me saying I’m okay with what happened the night before and then having sex with you in the shower is not talking it over,” I say, not able to stop the light blush I know is showing up on my face.

Faith smirks at that.  “I thought that was a good talk.  You were okay, I was definitely okay, some fun was had in the shower . . .”

I can’t help but laugh as Faith waggles her eyebrows suggestively.  I take a step closer to her as she looks up at me.  “We never said we’re dating, that we’re a couple.  We’ve never had a chance to be alone and talk about it.  I didn’t want to tell my friends this big news and have it be for nothing.”

“That’s bullshit,” Faith claims as she stands.  “You don’t wanna admit you’re with me.”

“Okay,” I say as I move so we’re only about a foot apart.  I also need a moment to get the courage I need to say what I know I have to.  “You need to answer me one thing.  Do you want to start dating?”

There’s that blank expression I’ve seen a few times already.  “You mean going to movies and holding hands and all that shit?”

“Yes, all of it,” I say, nodding.  “We’re not just gonna hang out during patrol and . . .”

“Have lots of hot, sweaty, after-slaying sex?” Faith finishes for me, grinning widely since I’m blushing again.  She moves closer so we’re only inches apart but her face becomes more serious.  “You really wanna date?”

I nod, trying to take my eyes off her lips but I can’t.  She notices and runs the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip for emphasis.  The only thing I wanna do right now is kiss her and before last week, I never allowed myself to think that.  I lean in and Faith meets me halfway, kissing me lightly.  It stays that way, too, because she pulls away and rests her forehead against mine.

“I want you, Buffy.”

She doesn’t say anything else, just stares into my eyes.  Faith has always had intense eyes but they’re usually staring down some vamp or demon, intimidating them and daring them to make a move.  Now they’re staring me down, daring me to say something, anything.  I can only stare back at them for a minute because I can’t think of anything to say.  Her eyes are saying too much to respond to.

After I don’t say anything for a minute, Faith leans in and kisses me again.  It’s not as light as before but it still shocks me at how tender it is.  It takes me a minute to respond but once I feel Faith’s arms wrap around me I do, moving my lips with hers. 

This is not like last Friday at all.  The last time it was kinda all about the rush and I have a feeling Faith thought if she didn’t move fast, I’d change my mind.  It wasn’t as if it was all hard and fast or anything.  It wasn’t like that at all.  No, it was that Faith paid constant attention to me and there was no time to think about anything outside of how good everything felt.  Now it feels like we’re really taking our time.

We break away and I look into her eyes again.  There’s just so much in them but I know part of what I can see is that she cares.  “We should probably patrol.”

“That’s all you’re gonna say, huh?” Faith asks, almost playfully as she smirks at me.

In an action I thought I’d never do, I put my arms around her and smile.  “The next time someone tells me to go after Scott Hope or anyone else, I’ll tell them I’m already dating someone.  A very hot slayer, much like myself.”

Faith grins widely before kissing me again.  I’m surprised that I’m not shocked at how tender it is but I’m sure there are many things Faith doesn’t do normally because it doesn’t make her look tough.  I bet deep down she’s more than capable of being tender and caring, all the things that may make her feel weak.

We kiss for a minute, keeping it surprisingly light.  I don’t know about her but I feel that anything more may cheapen the moment and this is a really good moment.  I love that she’s holding me so close that I can feel the heat of her skin.  It’s giving me all these feelings and every one of them are more intense than what I ever felt with Angel.

When we finally pull away from each other, Faith rests her forehead against mine again.  “No patrol tonight?”

Sadly, I feel the need to shake my head lightly.  “We do have a job to do.”

“You are no fun.”  Faith still has a grin so I know she doesn’t mean that.  She just doesn’t like that I’m not giving in to what she wants to do.  Not yet, at least.

“What would we tell Giles?  That we skipped out on our duty for some alone time?” I ask then take a step back and look at her.  “Will we tell Giles?”

Faith furrows her brow.  “You’re telling your friends, right?”  She pauses as I nod.  “I think G-man will figure it out then.  They can’t exactly keep a secret.”

I laugh a little, knowing she’s right.  Giles will know something’s off with them.  “What about my mom?”

She shrugs.  “That one’s all you, B.”

I guess she’s right about that.  That’s something I’d ever want to push on Faith unless I want her there for moral support.  Actually, I probably would need her there for moral support.  It would be way too nerve racking to have to do that alone.

“We do need to do some sort of patrol,” I say, smirking.  “But then maybe we could come back here?”  I kind of leave that last part hanging, mostly because I want her to know how I want the night to end.

Faith moves in and gives me a quick kiss before taking my hand.  “Let’s get to it then.”

******

I let out an exhausted sigh as I collapse on the bed.  Faith follows, collapsing on top of me but she must still have some energy left in her.  She’s still placing light kisses on my skin wherever her lips can reach.  It feels better than anything I’ve felt before.

“Faith,” I sort of gasp out, “don’t you think we should sort of take a break?”

“Mmm,” Faith mumbles out as she kisses up my neck.  We’re both covered in a layer of sweat and the way her body slides against mine as she moves up my body is such a turn on.  “You are so hot, B.”

I sigh out again but it turns into more of a gasp quickly.  She has a leg in between mine and she’s been moving it against me in all the right ways.  I know she’s trying to work me up again so we can keep going but I don’t know if I have enough energy for it to work this time.

We did the shortest patrol we could before coming back here.  Before we started anything I played the part of a dutiful daughter and called my mother.  I let her know I was of the living and that I’d be crashing with Faith.  I love that she doesn’t put up much fight at me spending the night in this motel room but I know that’ll change when she finds out about us.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what we’d be doing in an unsupervised motel room.

Faith damn near jumped me once I put down the phone and we’ve been having almost nonstop sex ever since.  It’s been incredible and Faith is so gentle and amazing but I don’t know how much longer I can keep going before I pass out.

I wrap my arms around her and use all my remaining strength to roll us so she’s on her back and I can rest on top of her.  She lets out a laugh but doesn’t move us back.  That kinda surprises me because I’m aware that she likes to be the one in control.

“Okay, we’ll take a break,” Faith says, laughing.  “As long as you keep moving against me, I’m five by five.”

“Naked, of course.”

“Of course.”

I laugh as I rest my head against her chest and feel her arms wrap around me.  Her skin feels so great against mine and I can’t help but wonder why I was having so much trouble accepting what I feel for Faith.  I know part of it was due to her reputation, the one she hypes up so much, but I think the rest of it was me.  It’s hard to accept that I’m falling for someone again.

I like that it’s Faith though.  She seems to want me as much as I want her.  The way she’s holding me right now is evidence enough of that.  I think I’m what she needs, too.  Faith needs someone to keep her more level headed and I think I can do that for her.

It took a week and a rocky little talk but I’ve more than accepted now that I’m in a relationship with Faith.  I’m happy about it, too, happier than I’ve been in months.  I have a feeling this is just the beginning, too.  There’s so much more to come.

I turn my head and place a light kiss against her skin before slowly moving up her body so my face is level with hers.  I hear her breath hitch in her throat as my skin slides against hers and I can’t help but smirk at that.  It’s nice to know I have the same affect on her as she does on me.

“Hey,” Faith greets me as her eyes meet mine.  “Not tired anymore?”

“Oh, I’m tired,” I respond quietly.  I try to move off her a little but her arms make it very obvious that she wants me to stay right where I am.  “Just wanted to get a little more comfortable.”

Her hold on me tightens.  “You should get some sleep, B.  I plan on continuing this in the morning.”

I smile but don’t say anything else.  I only snuggle into her and close my eyes, knowing I should get some sleep.  Faith will definitely want to continue this in the morning and since I do, too, I should probably be rested.