SHELTER

Standing in the living room of the Summers' house, Faith struggles to hold it together. It's been a little over seven weeks since she broke out of prison and so far her re-acclimation to life on the outside has been anything but smooth. As if being snack food for Angelus wasn't enough, now she's back in Sunnydale. It's been a couple years but the place is as shitty as it ever was. She had hoped that Buffy, at least, had changed. Could see her as an ally and learn to trust her again. But that is definitely not the case.

It hurts, much more than she would have expected, when Buffy brings up her past for the umpteenth time with a glib, "Did you tell them how you used to kill people for fun?" She wants to think she's changed, but being back here makes her so unsure. Faith's nineteen going on a hundred, and she's still following Buffy freaking Summers around like the sun shines out of her ass. It's just like when she came to Sunnydale and all she wanted, all she ever really wanted, was for the one person in the world like her to pay attention. But it doesn't matter what she does. No matter how much time passes, Buffy's never going to see her as anything more than a killer and a fuck up.

But the potentials… they're looking to her for leadership. They trust her. Finally, she's getting the acknowledgement that should have been hers from the day she was called. She can be The Slayer now. No more playing second fiddle to Buffy. It feels pretty damned good. She starts entertaining the thought of herself being in charge. Faith THE vampire slayer.

It's Dawn's soft voice that brings her back to earth. The Summers sisters stand face to face and Dawn says, "You can't be a part of it. So I need you to leave. I'm sorry, but this is my house, too."

Faith's eyes widen and drift to Buffy, expecting her to go off on all of them, but the other slayer just blinks back tears and turns toward the door. She's never seen Buffy cry. Never even wanted to, truthfully. It's like her feet are frozen to the floor and for a moment she's too shocked to say anything. But she finds herself stepping forward and blurting out a hurried, "No!"

Buffy stills but she doesn't turn around. Faith can see the tension in her thin back. All eyes are on her now, and she swallows hard before she says, "So you want me to be your leader now?"

A few girls nod their heads uncertainly.

"Then, as your leader, let me give you the facts of our situation. The First is gunning for all of us and we have exactly three weapons in this fight. That'd be Red, me, and B. If Buffy walks out this door, I can almost guarantee you we are going to lose."

"Come on, she's —"

Her glare lands on Kennedy. "Sit down, wannabe. You had your say, let the big girls talk now." Without waiting for the potential's reaction, Faith continues, "Buffy here," her head jerks toward the unmoving blonde figure, "has stopped the apocalypse five times. Two of those times, she died. Because that's how much she's willing to give."

The room is silent except for quiet sniffling coming from Dawn. Faith looks around at their faces, weighing her next words carefully. "I'm not saying she's always right, or that we should follow her blindly into that vineyard. But let me put it to you this way… I'm a slayer. I'm pretty much the baddest thing walking the streets right now, and Buffy put me down when she had to. So the rest of you can do what you want, but me? I'm sticking with her."

The room erupts into a chorus of dissenting voices. She should be paying attention. It's the apocalypse. Again. This is important. But her eyes are trained on Buffy's back. The older woman's shoulders are rigid, her rail thin body taut as a guitar string. There is the tiniest tremor in her fingers and the blonde quickly balls her fists to keep anyone from seeing. Faith barely flicks her eyes in Giles's direction as she says, "Get this under control. We'll be back." Three steps forward and she touches Buffy's back as gently as she can. "Let's go," She murmurs and the blonde nods, allowing herself to be propelled out the front door.

Outside, Buffy walks slowly toward the sidewalk and Faith lets her hand drop away from her back.

"Why," Buffy pauses to clear her throat, "why did you stick up for me in there?"

Stuffing her hands in her front pockets, Faith thinks about it. She spoke up because it makes strategic sense. Two slayers are better than one. There's more to it but there's no simple way to explain. How can she put into words how badly she wants to do the right thing, to be good, and how badly she needs Buffy of all people to see that in her? She wants to be trusted. She wants to lead. But not at the expense of Buffy.

It's probably not a great endorsement for her redemption, but so much of her hope to be a better person is tied to the other slayer. She's been away for years, but walking in to Sunnydale brings it all back. Faith can talk a good game about making amends and fighting the good fight. That's part of it, but there's still a piece of her that just yearns for Buffy's approval. She wants her friendship. She wants Buffy. As much as she always has.

"Don't wanna take anything from you, B," she finally says.

Buffy sighs, shaking her head. "I'm sorry I said that." The whole street goes dark as she finishes speaking.

Faith chuckles. "Guess the people from the power company finally got the memo."

"It's about time." Buffy smiles wanly and stops walking.

Shrugging, Faith leans back against a now useless lamppost. There's really nowhere to go and they stand silently in the shadows. "You want to head back?" She asks once the quiet has gotten to her.

Buffy looks away. "You can. I-I don't think I can face them right now." Even in the darkness, Faith can see the tension in the other slayer's body.

She leads the way to the nearest house and Buffy follows without a word. The place is deserted; its inhabitants have fled along with 90% of Sunnydale. Inside, they stand in the hallway looking at one another.

"I'm so tired," Buffy finally says, and her shoulders start to shake. "I'm so tired of everything."

Faith watches in concern as tears slide down Buffy's cheeks. "It's gonna be okay, Buffy," she reassures, but it sounds false even to her own ears.

Wiping shaking palms across her face, the blonde nods. "I know."

Watching the older woman try to hold herself together, Faith is acutely aware of how hollow their words to one another are. Nothing is okay. They're losing girls left and right. They have nothing to go on save for one of Buffy's hunches and the barest hint of hope. The only thing they know for certain is that more of them are going to die. She finds herself reaching out and grasping Buffy's hand. "C'mon,"

They make their way to the bedroom. "You should get some rest." Faith releases her hand. "We'll go back tomorrow, talk about things."

Buffy sits down obediently. When she looks up, her gaze is swimming. "You were right."

"About what?" Faith asks cautiously.

"I cut myself off from them… the potentials I mean. I didn't try to learn about them. I cut myself off from everyone. I used to count on my friends," she blinks back tears, "my mom…"

"B," Faith tries to interrupt but Buffy keeps talking.

"Ever since I came back, I just don't feel connected to anyone. I want to, I just…" She looks at her hands, "I don't know how." She's quiet for a long moment and then Buffy whispers, "I can't do it anymore."

Faith doesn't know what to say. She's never seen Buffy like this before. The blonde curls on her side on the bed. Her hands nestle under her chin. She's so small and fragile it hurts Faith to look at her.

Struggling to find the right words, Faith sits down beside her. She looks down at the woman she thought had all the answers, all the luck, everything that should have been hers. And she finally sees it: all her own pain and loneliness is mirrored in Buffy. That's the curse of being the Chosen One. But it doesn't have to be this way. "B," Faith says softly and waits until Buffy meets her eyes. "You don't have to do it alone anymore. Might not be who you wanted to be in this with you, but I'm here."

Buffy doesn't say anything so Faith gets to her feet. She's kidding herself if she thinks anything she says matters to the woman in that bed.

Buffy's hoarse voice stops her short walk to the doorway. "Be here then." When Faith looks back, she slides over and pats the empty space in the bed next to her.

Faith hesitates for a second before joining her in bed. They lay face to face and Buffy whispers, "thank you."

To whatever deity might be out there listening, Faith silently says her own thanks. She's gotten much more than she expected when she got in the car to Sunnydale. They might very well die in the coming days but tonight, for the first time in her short life, Faith will fall asleep absolutely content.