So here’s the sitch – I’m on a plane, to Switzerland, eating my free nuts and not watching the in-flight movie 50 First Dates. Don’t ask me why they’re showing this flick. It’s been out for years. Must be a kid’s choice thing or something.

Anyway, Giles said Xander needs help and I don’t bat an eye. He’s been the coolest one of all the Scoobs so I gotta rep and get my ass to him as soon as possible. Ergo the plane. If I don’t need to be airborne it wouldn’t happen, I’d find another way. Bus, car, train, walk, swim… you name it and I’d rather do it. Why does a giant hunk of metal need to be in the sky anyway? For real, its weird.

But this is different, Xander is the only one who kept in contact after Sunnydale imploded then the whole attempted drowning of B incident… Yeah, I thought that would be the end of our thing we had going, but he was solid. Kept me on the straights when I thought I was going down. Even stopped me from turning psycho again, but that’s another story.

The ‘Fasten Seatbelts’ sign comes on again for what seems like the millionth time and I just tighten the bastard round my waist. You really thought I’d take this shit off during the flight? And if you’re thinking about trips to the can you need to recognise. I will hold it until I reach the airport, screw the fact this is a seven hour flight.

“Are you ok?” The air hostess is looking at me as if I might explode any second. “Would you like some water or possibly something stronger?”

“I’m good, thanks.” I nod and she looks at me as if I just lied. And I did, but she doesn’t have to read me like I know she’s doing. This hostess is hot for sure, but a shrink I don’t need. “You gonna tell me about all the good in-flight entertainment?” I ask trying to get her to stop looking at me like she is, all concerned and shit.

A little flirting never hurt anyone, besides I need to get my heart rate into the right rhythm. The way its going it’ll leap outta my chest, strap on a parachute and flip me off as it jumps out the window.

“Something like that.” The air hostess leans over and checks something on the screen of the TV in the headrest in front of me.

I check out her flight plan. Her uniform is cute, short and revealing. My favourite things in a woman. “Seeing as we’re at least a mile high, I think you should give me a VIP pass.” I chuckle to myself, knowing that my heads too far up in the clouds to make sense.

“I hear that a lot. You think you’ve got what it takes...” She starts to say more with a spark in her eye, but she stops and leans back. She notices there’s a presence about me, “I bet you do.”

“I really do.”

“I'm sure your boyfriend would be horrified to hear you right now.”

I take a look over my shoulder to the seat next me before giving the air hostess my full attention again. Gesturing with my thumb I smirk, “That ain't my boyfriend. I just sit where the ticket tells me.”

“Well, wherever he is I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate you hitting on me. No matter how much I like it.”

“Lucky for you I don't have a boyfriend.”

“Girlfriend then?”

“Nope.”

“Wife or husband?”

“Are you for real?”

“So you're just an attractive, forward brunette travelling alone.”

“I think you forgot, modest.”

“Modest too. You seem like such a catch.”

“And here I am, throwing myself at you.”

“Honey, I would love to bounce you, but you look like you've got your mind preoccupied. So if it's not pleasure, it's business. And if it's business, it's important and deserves your full attention.”

Damn she's good. Maybe she could be a part-time shrink for the airline. Tranquility Air - We take you there and clear the air.

“Anyone ever tell you you're a force of nature?” I reply with a grin.

“Never, why?”

“Because you blow me away.” I cringe at myself. I hate being in planes, they mess with my mojo. Laughing at myself I shake my head and dread what being a passenger in this plane has reduced my skills to. “I'm usually better at this. Much better.”

“I can tell. You started strong, really strong.” She laughs too, “But you have the look. The 'I hate flying' look. Messes with the best of us. You'll be fine, there's no permanent damage.”

“If there is I'll sue.”

“There won't be.”

“Well ok then.” I nod hoping she better be right or I'm coming back for revenge.

We exchange a look of good humour and she regains her composure, “If you’re sure you’re ok?” After a moment she smiles at me sympathetically then heads over to the rear of the aircraft.

“Will be better when I land.” I mumble to myself.

Even though G hooked me up with a first class ticket this is still a head trip. I can’t believe we’re still working together and working well. I know I’m not his beloved Buffy, but we really get on y’know? One time we got caught out by a vamp cult out in London. They got G by his short and curlies while we were sleeping and had hauled us out in to the street. There was a massive masquerade party going on so no one thought it weird that six monsters were carrying two people down the street and into an abandoned building.

Sure, I did partake in the party before hitting the sack so to comment on my sobriety would be stupid. Check it, I had on gold bling, the real stuff, heavy blue eye shadow with thick eyeliner and straight hair. G said I really looked like Cleopatra that night.

All adorned in a white dress, chunky jewelled gold bracelets and a headdress that sat a cobra on the front, I looked hot. Deadly, queen-like and hot as tamales. She once said, “All strange and terrible events are welcome, but comforts we despise.” I can relate to that, I’m all about sticking my finger into the duck.

Anyway, I was sleepy and wasted when we got pounced on by the vamps. Even for a Slayer that isn’t the best combination. The vamps tried to capitalise on it and punched G and I around a bit before taking a taste test.

Two of ‘em had G in a headlock of sorts and were about to take a bite when one of them suddenly exploded into dust. The other one left holding onto G did a double take before also disintegrating into ash. Turns out while they were slapping us up G had latched on to the banister and took a piece off and sunk it into the hearts of the vamps while they were lusting after his blood.

It was a total 007 move. He looked over to me knowing I wasn’t in the best condition and I saw it in his eyes. He was protecting me. In another instant he’d cast a spell to render the other cult members immobile. Those fuckers were paralysed and it gave me the split second I needed to wake up and do my thing.

We tag teamed their sorry asses and it felt good. When the other vamps got the message playtime was over their eyes did this weird open blind action. G's spell made them all look like statues in a museum.

I took the sword from G’s Zoro costume that had slid across the room and impaled it into the vamp that had yanked on my hair during a round of toss the Faith.

You thought I couldn’t get old Higgins here to find the fun? He was looking all kindsa dapper in the full black suit, cape, swords and hat. He even went all out and pencilled on a moustache.

I made G let the other four free again and I beheaded one vamp without breaking my stride. Even staked his partner using the wooden staff that was propping up the door of the abandoned building. I threw it over to G and he used one end to stake the second to last vamp.

One sorry blood sucker left and it was like poetry. G smacked the staff across the vamps face, I kicked the corps in the gut, G cracked the beam over the back of the vamps head, then kicked it onto its back and I staked him. Dust.

I glance at him and I can tell he knows I understand what just happened. Those vamps were gonna punch my clock, but he saved me.

After that I look at him different y’know, like he was a spy or something. A real Daniel Craig covert style with a Sean Connery smooth operator-ness. I sometimes wish he was my first and only watcher from the off. That I’d have had his fatherly influence in my life from the get go. I might be someone completely different by now. I guess we’ll never know.

One things for sure, my vocabulary has been broadened. G starts grinning and calling me Eliza every time I say complete sentence properly. So I threaten him saying, ‘Just you wait ‘Enry ‘Iggins, just you wait.’

‘The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane’ I think to myself and it makes me crack a small smile.

That ‘Fasten Seatbelts’ sign comes on again and I’m staring down the aisle like someone stole my dinner. The cabin crew are getting ready for the decent. Not long after they announce we’re coming in to land.

“About fuckin' time.” I mumble to myself.