Giles is dead. The slayer army scattered. Magic gone. Happy days.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame Angel. He had a chance to fuck B senseless and to create a whole new beautiful world, where the two of them could live happily ever after. If I had a chance to do that with my soulmate, I know I would too. And plus, I hear being under the influence of power magic always makes you a little loopy.

I’m all about forgiveness. That’s what I told her. She can’t even look at Angel anymore. Not that there’s much to see. He’s basically in a waking coma now. I get it. It’s not easy trying to make things right with the person you care about most, but fucking up so badly things go to hell. But I know the guy. I know he’s a champion. I know the world needs him. So I’m damn well not going to give up on him.

I guess that’s who I am now: The girl who doesn’t give up. Wasn’t always that way. There was a time when I had nothing to give up. Then I was called. Found a watcher who cared about me. Didn’t end well. So I ran. Ended up in Sunnydale, where I found someone else who cared about me. Also didn’t end well. So I went evil. Found one more person who cared about me. Again, didn’t end well. Ended up in a place where I wanted to give everything up, because all I had just hurt, and hurt senselessly. Once again, from that place, I found someone who cared about me.

But that time, it didn’t all go to hell. Somewhere, I realised that I could fight. That I could trust other people. Somewhere in that pouring rain, I found hope.

And I guess that’s what I want to do now: bring back hope.

With Giles, I spent months going from one end of the planet to the other. The thing about power is that it’s dangerous. Either it corrupts or it drags you down a path where you can’t see an end, and down which you probably don’t want to go. When B and Red worked the mojo and activated all the potentials, there were a few who couldn’t deal with the power. Or who didn’t have anyone to help them deal. That’s where me and G came in. We helped those we could. We helped a lot. Some, we couldn’t help. We did our best, though.

Then we had to go rush off to help B and the Scoobies fight Twilight, the Big Bad. We gave up our powers. A lot of girls were lost. Those type of situations change you. I would have been happy not to get my powers back. Not sure I deserve them. Know for sure that I’m not good at dealing with them. But I did get them back. We all did. Lots of girls don’t want to lose them again. Lots more feel betrayed that magic was destroyed. That their friends were killed.

Can’t say I blame them too much.

But I’m not going to sit back and let it all go to hell. It’s a brave new world, eh?

That’s why I’m doing this journal thing. It seems to have gone with the job. And I’ll never call it diary. Or let anyone read a damn word of it until I’m long dead. True, probably won’t be long. And it’s not like I’m going to write down the juiciest bits. Still, seems right to leave some kinda record in case when I make that one mistake.

What I’m going to do, not going to be easy. Lots a people going to hate me for it. I might not even manage to do it. But I guess I might as well try.

You see, when G died, he left me almost everything he had. Gave B the most important bit of course, but I can’t complain too much. I got the estate, the flat, the damn horses, the library, most of the money and what not.  

There’s one thing he never mentioned though. Before his death, he was pretty much the Watcher’s Council. Now it’s just me.

Somebody’s got to watch over what’s left of the slayers, and what’s left of demons and the like. Someone’s got to give them a future again.

I figure it might as well not be a group of old, posh slimy bastards this time.