Book Of The Dead

1.

“Get that book!”

“It fucking bit me!”

“Just get the fucking book!”

I ran at the book, stomped on it a few times and screamed when it bit through the leather of my boot. I reached down, grasped it and held on for dear life. “What's happening?” I yelled out.

A light started swirling. “Oh shit.” I stated, starting to panic.

“Let go of the book!” Red yelled.

I tried to drop the book. It was stuck. “I can't let go.” I tried to get rid of it again. “It's stuck or something.” I looked into Red's eyes, already knowing my fate, before my body plunged into the swirling abyss.

I fell through, ass over elbow and slammed to a stop. I managed to drop the book and look up at some blurry crazy ass shit before I faded into darkness.

“She's coming to.”

The man walked over and ran his eyes over me. Sounds strange but I could feel his eyes on me. I sat up, body checking myself... cause been there, done that. The boy with the strange face and hairdo pushed a machete into my hands and hoisted me up. I looked around the cabin and looked at the people stuffed in it with me. Some old man with a bad dye job and a... chainsaw for a hand, the scrawny boy, “Pablo.” He stated before my eyes perused on by him and settled on a girl, kinda scrawny but kinda not. “Kelly.” She stated before peering out the window.

I followed my eyes on around and looked at the woman in leather, older but not ancient like the ole dude. “Xena?” I questioned. She scoffed, smirked and then changed her mind, giving me a good once over.

“Ruby.” She smiled, amused.

“Faith.” I offered before I looked at the old man. “And you're?” I waited.

“They call me Ash but baby.... you can call me anytime you want.” He slicked his hand through his overly dark hair and winked.

I just stood there, couldn't think of one damned thing to say. It's a first really. Not one comeback at all. I just nodded at him and looked around. I remembered. “The book.” I stated. “Where is it?” I started looking around.

“Did you read from it?” Ash asked as he moved too close to me, looking down at me, licking his lips.

I did a full step back, shaking off my stupor. “Naw... I didn't read from it. It just appeared in my world and things started coming after it. We grabbed it to keep those things from getting it and all hell broke loose. Next thing I know some kind of portal opened up and I couldn't get the thing to let go of me and I woke up in bizarro world.”

“It's out there.” Ruby stated, pointing out the window.

I walked over and looked out the window, scanning the area and the things moving around outside. “What are those things?” I asked.

“Deadites.” Ash casually stated, clicking his tongue against his cheek. “But don't you worry darlin, I'll protect ya.”

Again I went blank before my brain kicked in. “Yeah... right.” I muttered, looking back to those things. “So they're what? Vampires, demons, zombies?”

“Mostly dead people with demons inside.” Pablo offered. Kelly agreed.

“Any chance of exorcising the demons and saving the human?” I asked.

He moved close to me again and I could smell his aqua velvet. “Baby, don't know where you came from but things ain't like that here. Those things are long gone and you gotta take them apart before they get you.” He stated, cocking his shotgun.

“Can I get back home if I get the book?” I asked looking around at them.

Ruby stepped forward. I smiled, cause I really loved the sophisticated leather look. Nope, growing old wouldn't have to suck, that's for sure. She gave me a knowing glance. I shrugged. “Like the look.” I smiled.

She moved closer still and I could feel she wasn't quite human. I stepped back, putting some distance between us. She smiled. “I could probably open up that portal and you could jump back through, might work, might put you somewhere worse.”

I looked outside, muttering. “Can't get much worse than this.”

“You'd be wrong there sweetheart.” Ash deadpanned.

I blew out a breath and looked back outside. “Okay, we need that book.” I looked around and hefted that machete from earlier. “Cover me while I get the book.” I stated moving over to the door.

Ash grabbed my arm. “Hold on there now honey.... only thing you're gonna get is dead.” He squared his shoulders. “Stand back and watch the master work.” I looked up at him disbelievingly, he pushed his way in front of me and threw the door open and stepped outside. Something hit him, fast and hard and he flew back in through the doorway and crashed into the table and chairs.

Kelly, Pablo and Ruby slammed the door shut and pushed their weight against it as those deadites battered the door.

I ran over to help Ash up and his face was all abnormal. I scrunched up my face, wincing as I looked him over. “Oh.” He stated, feeling my eyes on his face. He grabbed his mouth, pulled his teeth out and stuffed them back in his mouth.

I stood upright, realizing that his abnormality was just his teeth knocked crooked. He dusted himself off and swaggered a bit. “Don't knock it til ya try it baby.” He crowed. He moved in closer to me, whispering. “Ya get better suction without em.” He drawled in a honey smooth voice.

“I'm lesbian.” I coughed out.

“Really?” He asked. “Well, I'm man enough to straighten ya out.” He held up his hand. “And I got plenty of wood.” He smirked.

I looked at him dumbfounded. “Yeah, but I really like...pussy.” I nodded for emphasis.

He clicked his tongue against his cheek, shrugging. “Your loss baby.” He moved towards the door again. “But I wouldn't object to watching you and the girls here get busy.” He looked at me hopefully. I looked at Ruby and Kelly.

“Is he for real?” I asked. They nodded.

“Okay.” I stated, walking towards the door. “I'm going for that book, cover me.” I threw the door open and thew myself forward, tucking and rolling up onto my feet, dodging, blocking and slicing the machete through the air.

It was surreal. Seriously. Like fright night times say...... 1000. The dead moved in on me as I ran and slashed my way towards the book. I could only wonder why they just didn't pick it up and go. Then I realized why they'd kept a wide birth of it. Something was underneath the sand. I inwardly sighed and rolled for the book, grabbing it and rolled back up onto my feet, still running. The thing just missed me by a hair, it's teeth cutting a gouge into my skin. By the time I got to the door the book was drawing blood. I slung it off of me and jumped on top of it.

“What the hell?” I rasped out, looking around as Kelly and Ruby secured the door and held it shut.

Pablo screamed. “No....” I glanced around and he was being pulled toward the book. I flipped the book upside down, the weird face planted against the floor and I held on with all my might.

“Ruby, get the book and get that girl back where she belongs.” Ash changed positions with her. He looked back to me. “So be seeing ya round sweetheart.” He winked and grabbed his groin. “You'll remember me?”

“Gonna have to burn you outta my brain for sure.” I deadpanned.

“So no chance? For real?” He asked hopefully.

“I'd rather do Ruby.” I stated, shrugging. “Sorry.”

“Your loss baby.” He smiled at me.

The back door burst open and in poured the dead, effectively stopping Ruby from her task and stopping me from throwing up a little in my mouth. I knocked them back and slammed the door shut, wedging it with a piece of splintered wood. I turned and thrust out another makeshift stake at a dead's head, penetrating it and putting it down. It stood back up, scrambled towards me and screamed. I screamed and kicked it backwards and away from me. I saw where I'd dropped the machete, dove for it and came up swinging, hitting any and every deadite in my vicinity. I stopped when they stopped. I was feral, covered in muck and looking slightly bat shit crazy.

“What are you?” Ruby asked.

I turned and faced them and their weapons. “Whoa.” I held up my hands in supplication. “I'm not a demon.” I laid my machete on the floor and eased back up. “I'm what we call a slayer where I'm from. Girls chosen and gifted to fight evil.”

“You can help us?” Kelly asked. I nodded. “But I really need to get back to my world, we were in the middle of a fight when I appeared here.”

They all stared at me and I sighed. “What do you need?” I asked.

2.

I looked into the dark cavern and sighed. “What do ya think is in there?” I asked, not really wanting to know. “So... go in... kill Xena's bald, naked kids and what? Waltz out of there, unscathed? What?”

Silence. I looked around at them, disbelief clearly showing on my face.

I pulled in a deep breath. “Look.... I know I must look like Wonder Woman to you bunch but I can...”I drew out the word, before adding. “Die.” Their faces showed nothing, nothing. I continued. “And unlike some, I can't come back and not to mention but I'm the last of the natural line where I'm from and if I bought it here, well I have no idea if another would be chosen and I have no desire to find out what happens when all the others die and the line doesn't pass on.”

Still silence.

I thought I'd try again. “It'd be smarter to wait on them to come to you instead of traipsing around in the dark, on their turf, where they could step out, at any given time and slaughter our asses.”

“There not gonna come for us.” Ruby stated, adding. “Well maybe not.”

I looked at her. “But they'll come for the book, right?” I asked. She nodded. “So lets go build a trap and try to make it sustainable through the onslaught.”

3.

We closed ourselves back into the house and started barricading up the doors and windows. I walked back into the living room from the kitchen, holding up some salt. “I found some salt, can't hurt to give it a try.” I made a small line across the doorway and windows. “It's not much but it's better than nothing.” I looked around the room. “Get a fire burning. Keep things from coming down the chimney.”

“So what do these kids of yours do?” I asked looking to Ruby for answers.

“They use your worst fears against you, then kill you while you're incapacitated.” She looked around at everyone.

“Excellent.” I muttered to myself.

We settled in quietly to wait. The heat sweltering and making us tired, sleepy but hopefully not careless. We waited for what seemed like hours.

A piercing howl sounded in the distance, grew louder and got closer. The window shattered inward and we all ducked and covered, the shards hitting us and sinking in. Ash grabbed a table and ran to the window to cover it and got blasted backwards, landing on his back. I ran and grabbed the table and planted my foot to make a dash for the broken window. Something grabbed my ankle and pulled and I fell over Ash, my face landing against his groin, my chin and teeth felt like they'd hit the back of my brain.

“Ooph.” He breathed out. “More tongue and less teeth baby.” He wheezed.

I pushed myself up off of him and made another dash for the window. I grabbed up another table and shoved it into the opening. “Faith... here.” Pablo shouted.

I turned and grabbed the machete from the air and went to work. I felt the presence at the door and started for it, hoping to put my weight against it. The door blew open and I rolled across the floor to a standing position, turned to face my attacker and got slammed into by some freak in a diaper. I slid across the floor, my legs splayed as my ass hit the floor and my back crashed against the wall.

Ruby had the book again and she was drawing something on the floor.

Ash stepped in front of me and Gandhi cracked him across the face with a closed fist. His teeth flew out of his mouth, hit the floor and started chomping their way towards me. I stilled, frozen at the horror alone. They were closing in and I was up and moving fast. They shortened the distance and I grabbed the poker from the fireplace and struck them away from me. I caught Ash blowing me a kiss out of my peripheral vision. Then he realized what I'd just done. “Hey, those are my good teeth.”

I shook off the repulsion and turned swinging and struck one of the bald guys. I pulled back and rammed the steel poker through him. Another screamed and lunged at me. I side stepped, grabbed his arm and backhanded him in the throat. Didn't really work, cause he didn't have to breathe.

His hands clamped around my throat and squeezed and I kneed him in the groin, pushing myself away. I heard the chainsaw start up. I grabbed the freak and flung him towards the moving blade and stood there as blood, guts and all kinds of muck flew over and across my face and clothes. I nodded, cause I understood. It was just one of those things. I could deal, maybe.

“Whoo, now that's what I'm talking bout.” Ash declared, smirking as he sidled up closer to me. “So baby... how's about I wash yours, you wash mine?”

I could only stare at him. I tried to think of something to say, really I did. “I got no come back for that.” I offered, walking over to Ruby.

“You charmed by that?” I asked. She laughed. “So he's not your type. I kinda noticed you giving me the once over a time or two.”

“Well, yeah.” I answered.

“But you're not gonna act on it?” She asked. I shrugged. “Ah, there's someone else.” She decided.

“Nah, pretty much never gonna happen.” I stated. “Way too much crap to wade through.” I shrugged, watching as she finished.

“Take some advice from someone who's been around the block. Sometimes two people can be scared of the same thing, somebody's gotta make the first move.” She smiled at me and I smiled, nodding.

Ruby opened the book and started chanting, the air growing thick and electric. As she finished her incantation and the portal glowed, I gripped the machete, grabbed her and gave her a kiss, stepped back smiling at her. “Be seeing ya and thanks.” I said as I stepped into the portal.

I fell into oblivion and blacked out.

“She's coming to.” I heard a voice.

I stretched my neck and batted my eyes, breathing deeply as I shielded my eyes from the bright light. Everything was disoriented. I waited while my eyes and ears sorted through the chaos. “Buffy?” I asked. “Ruby?” I asked again. I waited as my eyes cleared.

I pushed myself upwards into a half sitting position. And focused. She was holding her mouth. “You were fighting a bit.” She offered by way of explanation. I looked at her, reached out and pulled on her teeth, just making sure.

“What the hell....” She stated as I pulled her to me and kissed her with everything I had. She finally kissed back and I can not tell a lie, it was nice. Okay so I could lie pretty damned well. She had candied kisses, for real.

“What happened?” She asked, pulling back and accessing me.

“You'll never believe it.” I stated, sitting up.

She looked at me, waiting.

“I've switched sides.” I stated.

“What? Again?” She asked, her face distorting.

I nodded and pulled her to my lips again, pulling back, gazing into her eyes and leaning back into her slowly. My lips slid against hers, softly, warmly; the moist heat causing an enticing friction. My tongue teased across her bottom lip and entered her mouth. We sighed into the silky softness, only pulling back for lack of oxygen. “Oh.” She whispered.

I nodded, agreeing. “Oh, indeed.”

She smiled and leaned against me. “But don't think you're not gonna have to explain about Ruby.”

“Oh.”