All That Glitters


Buffy stretched out her legs under the light blanket covering both her and Satsu. It was a warm evening, but it always felt nice to have blanket-y goodness draped over her when lazing back in bed watching movies. She liked to snuggle and feel cozy, and Satsu was definitely helping with that. Satsu's arms were gently holding Buffy - hands resting on her stomach – as Buffy used her as a pillow, laying happily between her legs.

They were propped up in bed with the TV flickering close by – watching movies that had them smiling and giggling and feeling calm and free. Thankfully it had been a time of relative calm in their lives for the past week. After getting back the scythe; after convincing Satsu not to stay in Japan; after forcing Xander to take time off to grieve, they'd found themselves in a little lull, and lulls were hard to come by in their line of work. It was some quiet time before the storm no doubt.

Now wasn't the time to think of storms, however. Now was the time to feel like smiling was okay, and that being loved was actually a good thing. And Buffy did feel loved.

“You wanna watch another?” Satsu asked as the film titles ended.

She kissed Buffy's temple gently as Buffy glanced up at her. They were lovers, and it felt good. Despite the niggling doubt and confusion inside her, it felt right to Buffy.

“See if you can find something decent,” Buffy replied, handing Satsu the remote. “You get to choose this time.”

“You mean we get to watch something other than corny romantic comedies now?” Satsu asked with a small giggle.

Buffy liked her giggle. It was sweet and tender, just like Satsu was – or at least just like she was when she wasn't mashing demon's heads in with her boots or chopping things up with her sword. That part of Satsu wasn't sweet and tender at all, but both sides still made Buffy feel comfortable and safe. Satsu could be willful and stubborn, but she'd never been hurtful or threatening. She'd never shown a darkness inside her that some other people in Buffy's life had taunted her with. It was nice being with her. It was nice feeling something beyond the darkness.

“We can watch whatever you want,” Buffy said with a smile, kissing Satsu on the end of her nose before snuggling back down and placing her head on her chest.

Satsu flicked through the movie channels, skipping from film to film. Her free hand trailed little circles over Buffy's stomach under her tee shirt, causing Buffy to close her eyes and just enjoy the soft touch. They'd had sex earlier before pulling on their shorts and tee shirts and making their way silently downstairs to find suitable movie-food. Buffy wished they'd both remembered to get naked again when settling down under the blanket, but they probably wouldn't have gotten around to actually watching any films if that had been the case. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other and a few other occupants of their corridor in the castle were beginning to complain about the noise. It was time to give them an evening's peace.

“How about this one?” Satsu questioned as she stopped on a film just starting.

Buffy took Satsu's hand in her own once she'd dropped the remote beside them, entwining their fingers on her hip.

“Looks kinda dark,” Buffy commented as the movie began.

There was a girl running, her long dark hair flowing behind her. She was panicking and breathless as she rushed down a shadowy alley, looking behind her every now and then as if somebody was following. She stumbled over a garbage can, and at the end of the alley – bathed in misty light – there stood a dark figure holding a large knife.

The girl in the film gasped and tried to stand, scrambling as she slipped on the discarded bottles and cans at her feet. A wide shot showed the dark figure getting closer, the blade of the knife glinting in the ethereal light. As it got nearer to the camera it was clear the dark figure was also a girl. She looked mean, frighting, her eyes piercing into the darkness, her blond hair whispering across her face as a breeze blew past her.

Finally giving in and awaiting her fate, the dark haired girl held her breath, her eyes wide. Fear etched into her features. There was a flash, a slicing sound and a scream, and then Buffy jumped and closed her eyes, gripping tight to Satsu's hand.

“Hey, you okay?” Satsu asked, her voice soothing as she wrapped her arms a little tighter around Buffy.

“I don't like this,” Buffy answered, still not looking.

She could feel herself trembling a little, the sharp slicing sound of the knife ringing in her ears.

“I'll change it, Buffy,” Satsu said softly. “I didn't know you weren't a fan of horror films.”

Buffy heard the TV switch channels to something else, and then Satsu's arms were back around her pulling her close, turning her a little so she was facing her more.

“I'm sorry, it's just . . . I've had enough horror in my life,” Buffy said faintly, looking up into Satsu's brown eyes. “And knives.”

“Knives?” Satsu asked tentatively.

“Yeah, it . . . it reminded me of something,” Buffy responded quietly, dropping her gaze from Satsu and wishing she could stop the ringing in her ears.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“There's no point, it's ancient history,” Buffy practically mumbled, playing with the bottom of Satsu's shirt.

“Doesn't sound like ancient history,” Satsu pointed out. “You were trembling.”

Satsu stroked her fingers tenderly through Buffy's hair, her thumb brushing over her temple in a calming way. And though Buffy didn't want to upset Satsu or think of painful memories, she couldn't help but wonder if maybe talking to her would make her feel better. She was tired of trembling at her memories.

“Some things just remind me of . . . Faith, and what I did to her. What she made me do,” Buffy admitted almost in a whisper.

“Faith?” Satsu asked.

“Brunette, slayer, likes to try to kill me,” Buffy clarified.

“Yeah, I've heard you talk about her, and Andrew filled us in on a few things. Don't get exactly what happened between you two, though.”

Buffy looked up into Satsu's eyes, seeing nothing but the deep affection she had for her there in the gentle brown that always seemed to wrap her up and hold her steady. She felt steady with Satsu now the panic of wanting to be with her had eased away. Buffy didn't feel the need to panic about Satsu being a girl anymore; she liked her softness and her sensitivity. She also very much liked the sex.

“It's complicated,” Buffy said, unsure whether she could ever really explain what had happened between her and Faith.

She glanced over to the TV to see a colorfully dressed lady selling what they called amazing - yet tacky - jewelry at apparently even more amazingly low prices. In her haste to turn over from the horror film, Satsu had put on the shopping channel.

Smiling and chuckling just a little as the presenter almost dropped a shiny gold earring, Buffy wondered why she couldn't move on from Faith. She didn't know why it all still affected her so much. They'd gotten over the past somewhat - learning to work together in the battle against the First – but lately things had gone sour again. It seemed they'd never be the friends they could have been.

“So were you two . . . lovers?” Satsu asked.

“What?” Buffy sputtered, looking back quickly at Satsu. “No!”

Satsu raised an eyebrow as Buffy turned and sat up just a little, putting some distance between them.

“I just wondered, what with . . . ”

“You're way off,” Buffy corrected, a nervous laugh escaping her. “You know I'd never been with another girl before you. We went over all that when I was panicking about being bad in bed with you.”

Buffy blushed a little remembering that night. There had been amazing sex – not tacky gold earring amazing, but truly amazing. There had been emphatic “wows” all round, and then awkwardness, and then it had turned into a nightmare she couldn't wake up from as - what felt like - the entire castle decided to gatecrash their private time. Thankfully it had all been worth it; after the second time they were together Buffy knew she couldn't just walk away from Satsu.

“I know, I just . . . the way it sounds sometimes . . . ” Satsu mumbled, sounding jealous, and maybe a little worried.

“We were never like that with each other, Satsu,” Buffy assured. “We were barely friends really. Me and Faith . . . we don't mix well with each other. We're unmixy things. Like water and oil; yunno, when one always ends up on top of the other.”

Buffy's eyes went wide as she realized what she'd said, and noticed Satsu's mouth drop open just a bit.

“That so didn't come out right,” Buffy said with a little squeak.

Satsu nodded and kept her eyes fixed on Buffy.

Buffy tried not to think of all the times sparring and fighting with Faith in which one of them did always seem to end up between the legs of the other. Fighting with Faith had always been hazardous in that way for some reason.

“Point being: we weren't lovers,” Buffy stated, hesitating a little over the words without meaning to.

The thought alone made her shudder, or maybe it was the evening turning colder.

The blanket had slipped away a little, leaving the now cool night air coming through the window to bristle against Buffy's skin. She was a California girl and Scotland didn't much make her feel at home when it came to temperature. She tugged the cover back over her lap, making sure it was over both of them as she sat crossed-legged between Satsu's thighs. They were facing each other, Buffy's fingers toying with Satsu's on top of the blanket.

“She really got under your skin though, huh,” Satsu stated. “I mean, granted she did a lot of bad things, or so I've heard but . . . I can tell it hurts you probably more than even you know why.”

“When did you turn into my therapist?” Buffy asked with a slight chuckle.

“I can just see it,” Satsu said a little sadly, looking down between them.

Buffy reached up and gently touched Satsu's face, encouraging her eyes back up to look at her. She didn't know what to say; her past with Faith really was complicated. Too complicated for Buffy to even fully understand now herself. She'd long since stopped trying to analyze it all; so much had happened since, blurring the lines and distorting the memories of how she'd felt.

She dropped her hand back to the sheet and inhaled deeply.

“She . . . she hurt me,” Buffy confessed steadily. “She hurt me in ways I didn't know how to deal with. She just has to look at me now and it feels like it's happening all over again. And the worst part? I feel so guilty for hurting her right back.”

A tear threatened to spill from Buffy's eye but she held onto it. She'd spilled too many tears over Faith and had promised herself not to go down that road again.

“Were you in love with her?” Satsu asked quietly.

Buffy felt a rush a blood pound through her heart, and her lungs suddenly felt like they were on fire. “God no!” she answered as quickly as she could.

She moved her hands away from Satsu's a little so she wouldn't be able to feel their slight shake. Hearing the words - the question – had rattled her, and it seemed that Satsu could see that as she looked at Buffy intently.

Buffy shook her head, searching for more words, but she couldn't think; too busy trying to stop her hands trembling.

“I understand,” Satsu said, cautious and quiet.

“No, you don't.” Buffy swept a hand through her blonde hair, pushing her palm against her head to calm the ache threatening to erupt inside it. “I didn't . . . ” Buffy tried to force the words out. “I didn't . . . dammit, I wasn't in love with her!”

Satsu's eyes went a little wide at Buffy's sudden outburst and raised voice, but she looked more concerned than anything.

“It's okay, Buffy,” she said soothingly.

She rested her hand on top of Buffy's, taking it softly, holding it in the way only a lover would.

Buffy sighed and slumped down a little, trying to let the tension out that had quickly built up inside her. Faith always wound her up, even when she wasn't around. She wished it wasn't that way; wished she could walk away from everything Faith had ever made her feel.

“I didn't mean to upset you, I guess it just seemed like there was more between you. I mean, the reason for all that hurt . . . it just . . . sorry.” Satsu's voice faded a little as she looked down at where her hand lay holding Buffy's.

“No need to apologize,” Buffy assured, giving Satsu's fingers a squeeze. “Like I said, Faith and I are complicated.”

A silence drifted between them, only the sound of selling on TV breaking through the little bubble of tension. Buffy listened to the presenter behind her talking about gold and silver and trinkets that were “must buy” items. It all sounded so fake, unreal; people adorning themselves with easily obtainable, pretty jewelry just to brighten up their lives, when all they really wanted was the real deal. It was disheartening.

“I would understand if you had fallen for her, yunno,” Satsu said, her voice so soft it almost pushed the tear Buffy had been holding onto from her grasp; almost had it rolling down her cheek, staining her for being less than honest with the sweet girl before her who loved her completely.

“How so?” Buffy asked, emotion making her throat tight and causing her to rasp slightly.

“From what I hear she's got a pretty powerful presence. She's beautiful, hot, sexy, mysterious and captivating,” Satsu said, watching Buffy's eyes with every word. “She's like some kind of fire that never seems reachable or touchable, but you wanna reach out anyway. Burning like an exotic dark flame and tempting anybody that gets too close.”

Buffy found herself knowing every word, feeling every word. She didn't know who Satsu had been talking to, but there was so much truth to what she just said it was almost eerie.

“Well, if I wasn't in love with her before I certainly am now,” Buffy responded with a light chuckle.

She smiled, letting Satsu know she was joking. Of course, she couldn't tell her that the words rang so true for her because she had indeed once thought she'd been in love with Faith. She didn't even like admitting that to herself - hated it in fact - let alone anybody else. It didn't fit right in her brain, or her heart; it was all just too broken.

Satsu smiled a little with Buffy, her pretty features making Buffy feel relaxed once again as she studied them. She didn't want to be anywhere but where she was, no matter how confused her insides still were about Faith and about her past with her.

There had been a time she wouldn't have allowed herself to admit – even in the quiet spaces of her mind – that she'd liked Faith in that way. That she'd tripped headlong into a crush over her, fallen for her. It had burned too much. The memories, the hurt, the betrayal . . . and mostly the guilt.

She recalled one memory – so clear to her still – that always tried to break free of all the bad ones. It was always pushing to the surface, wanting Buffy to notice it and remember a time when it could all have been so different. Pushing it down and hiding it away only ever seemed to make it bolder, brighter. She didn't know now if she'd distorted it to make it more than what it had been; creating good things out of bad things just to give her something of Faith to cling to that wasn't pain and anger. It didn't really matter as the result was always the same; just more confusion, more complication, more denying it ever really meant that much.

It was a rainy night in Sunnydale, not too long before the fatal night when Faith made her first mistake by killing the deputy Mayor. Buffy and Faith had slayed and enjoyed it; counting the number of vampires they'd dusted between them, competing to be “slayer of the night”. Faith was ahead by one vampire and gloating, but Buffy couldn't bring herself to do anything but smile. Faith seemed so free and happy. It wasn't usual to see Faith acting so carefree without being careless at the same time.

The night was different somehow. The two slayers were different: relaxed with each other and confident in their growing friendship.

As Buffy basked in Faith's smile - her eyes continuously wandering to the dimples on Faith's cheeks as she walked beside her – she tripped over a loose rock on the path. Buffy stumbled forwards, her balance suddenly nowhere to be found as she headed for a murky puddle. She landed with a splodge and heard Faith laughing loudly behind her.

At first Buffy grumbled and whined about her jeans being dirty and damp, but the sound of Faith's laughter wrapped her up and carried her with it. She chuckled along and sat in her puddle, looking up at Faith. That's when she knew she'd fallen. It wasn't just a crush anymore . . . it was something more, something scary.

“Jesus, B,” Faith said. “You’re such a dork.”

“You’re the dork for not helping me up,” Buffy responded, raising her hand for Faith to take it.

Faith shook her head and continued smiling as she leaned down to offer Buffy some help.

They clasped hands, tingles shooting through Buffy like bullets. Her grip faltered but Faith held firm, pulling Buffy to her feet in one quick tug. As Buffy was busy feeling overwhelmed by the fact she now knew her crush was a little more than just a crush, and as the tingles temporarily made her catatonic, she stumbled into Faith with the momentum of being pulled upright.

“Sorry,” she muttered, trying to ignore the fact that she was now pressed fully against Faith’s body.

She could feel her softness, the round swell of her breasts, the heat from her skin. Buffy wanted to grab on and hold tight – bask in the closeness, in every inch of Faith - but she didn’t. Breathing in the scent of the other girl and feeling faint with what it was doing to her lower half, she steadied herself with a hand on Faith’s shoulder.

“Don’t be,” Faith said quietly, the husky drawl to her voice seeming thicker all of a sudden.

Her hand was on Buffy’s waist, keeping her where she stood, pressed against her body. Dark brown eyes peered into Buffy, searching, needing. Something was passing between them and it wasn’t just the heat or the faint scent of fresh sweat and even fainter scent of fresh arousal. Neither girl moved, holding the moment, on the brink of . . . something.

Buffy flicked her gaze down to Faith’s sensual lips, feeling the need to wet her own. She wanted to taste those lips, to feel their softness and hear the whispering of her name upon them as she touched Faith in ways that made her blush at just the thought. It was definitely more than a crush, it was wanting. She wanted Faith. Wanted her there, hard against her, breathing fast and deep with hungry mouths feeding from each other. She wanted her fingers exploring, probing, taking Faith.

The raw desire to just have her caught Buffy off guard. She wasn’t used to feeling so out of control and it scared her. She moved a little, ready to step back and regain control, but Faith stopped her with the hand on her hip and the daring look in her eyes.

They said nothing as their breaths blew out over each other and Faith leaned closer. A few inches and their lips would be touching. So close. Too close.

“Faith,” Buffy said, a tremble to her voice she’d never heard before. She’d expected to say more, but hearing herself tremble in that way had her faltering.

“Buffy,” Faith said back, the deep sensuality of her voice almost making Buffy moan in reply.

She wasn’t used to Faith saying her full name, and she certainly wasn’t used to her saying it so close, so sexily.

Their lips were closer and Buffy could feel the heat of Faith’s mouth, just out of reach. It was so tempting to just move that little bit nearer, to take what she wanted. To finally know how sweet her fellow slayer’s kiss was, how expert her tongue and charming her sighs and moans. But Buffy didn’t move. She couldn’t.

As if sensing Buffy would never take the step they both seemed to want, Faith pulled back, licking her lips and taking a deep breath. She obviously wasn’t going to push Buffy towards something Buffy wasn’t prepared to take the leap into for herself. The moment passed as they parted, and they never spoke about it. A few times they came close again - close to stepping over the line and into something else - but that night had been the one that Buffy could never forget. It was burned into her memory . . . a constant reminder of how wrong she’d been.

Looking at Satsu now, sitting on their bed in the still and peaceful atmosphere, Buffy wondered if being with Faith could ever have been like this. Like being with Satsu. She doubted it; with them it was always going to be about the rage and the pain.

“Have you spoken to Faith since she . . .”

“Since she almost drowned me?” Buffy asked.

Satsu nodded, the cute little ponytail she had her hair in bouncing and just begging for Buffy to tease her fingers through it.

“No,” Buffy answered, more solemnly than she’d wanted to.

“Maybe you should try to contact her,” Satsu said.

Buffy furrowed her brow, wondering why Satsu suddenly wanted her to get all pally with Faith. If she did think she’d been in love with her then it didn’t seem right that she’d want them to get together. After all, Buffy was Satsu’s girlfriend – in a way.

“Why would I do that?” Buffy asked. “And why would you suggest it?”

Satsu shrugged and twirled her fingers round the bottom of her ponytail. She looked so adorable in that moment that Buffy thought about ending the conversation altogether and getting back to being naked with her.

“Because I guess I don’t want to stand in the way,” Satsu said finally. “I want you to be happy.”

Buffy smiled and shook her head, reaching out to brush her thumb over Satsu’s cheek.

“You’re not in the way,” Buffy clarified. “Sure, at one point . . .”

Buffy paused, realizing whatever she said next would be the first time anybody had heard her admit to what she’d felt about Faith. She owed it to Satsu to be honest, however.

“At one point I liked her that way,” Buffy confessed, feeling her stomach twist into knots. “I couldn’t help but want her, but I was young, I was scared . . . and then it all fell apart. Those feelings got lost in all the pain.”

There was a lump in her throat that hadn’t been there when she’d started speaking, but it was getting hard to swallow past it.

Satsu held Buffy’s hands between them again, stroking her thumbs softly over them. There was worry in her eyes, maybe a hint of sadness about what it all really meant, but more than that was the love she showed to Buffy; the unconditional acceptance.

“Did she know?” Satsu asked.

Buffy wasn’t sure if she was asking if Faith knew she’d loved her, or if Faith just knew she’d wanted her. It was no to the first, and yes to the second. Faith must have known she’d wanted her. That moment in the cemetery and a handful of times afterwards – even after her betrayal – had to have told her that much.

“Maybe,” Buffy answered. “None of it matters now.”

Buffy lifted one of Satsu's hands and kissed it sweetly. She didn't want to keep thinking about Faith. She was done hoping that one day they could find some way to be together; it was never going to happen.

“I'm with you,” Buffy said as she leaned forward, placing kisses over Satsu's cute nose and down to her lips. “I don't need to go shopping for anything more.”

They both smiled and chuckled a little at the shopping analogy as the presenter on TV got particularly excited about a new line of jewelry. Her voice soon became lost to them as they began to kiss soft and slow, their tongues quickly finding each other in the heat of each other's mouths.

Buffy had quickly grown to love the way Satsu kissed her. It wasn't rough or awkward like some of her past lovers had been, it was sensual and sexy – always firing her up so quickly. It had been her kisses that had gotten them into bed together the first time. Buffy had been swept along by them, unable to hold back.

She sighed a little into Satsu's mouth as she felt hands drift up over her back under her tee shirt, gently pulling her closer. Her own hands found the bottom of Satsu's shirt and she began to tug it upwards, momentarily breaking the kiss as she discarded it to the side of the bed.

Sharing a smile with Satsu, Buffy brushed her fingertips down her lover's neck to her collar bone and further. She touched Satsu with both hands, exploring, caressing – her eyes drinking in her naked flesh as she laid back a little onto the pillows for Buffy.

“I love your skin,” Buffy said, her voice becoming tainted with desire. “Always so soft.”

Her palms drifted over Satsu's breasts; nipples hardening for her as she rubbed over them. Maybe it was because of what they'd talked about and how vulnerable Satsu had seemed, but Buffy felt the need to show her lover that she was most definitely the only one she wanted right then. Buffy needed her to know - to feel - that there was nowhere else she'd rather be.

Giving Satsu a long kiss before pulling back, Buffy then tugged off her own shirt, throwing it from the bed and watching as brown eyes grew darker with lust.

An adorable smile crept over Satsu's lips and Buffy uncrossed her legs and moved to a position in which she could rid them both of their shorts. Placing soft, wet kisses over Satsu's stomach, Buffy began to take her shorts down, pushing the blanket off at the same time. She knew she didn't have to ask – the permission was written all over Satsu; in the way she looked at Buffy, in the way she was breathing.

Satsu moved into more of a laying position and kicked off her shorts as Buffy traveled back up to her. Placing a kiss on her hip she thought about staying just where she was between Satsu's legs, but she wanted to feel her against her for a little while first. Wriggling out of her own shorts, Buffy kicked them in the same direction Satsu's had gone and then she was ready to just feel, skin on skin.

“Hi,” Buffy said with a little grin as she laid on top of Satsu, propping herself up slightly on her elbows and feeling the other girl wrap around her.

“Hey,” Satsu replied, her eyes full of warmth and love as she looked up at Buffy.

“Wanna make out with me?” Buffy asked.

They both smiled, feeling completely relaxed with one another.

“Always,” Satsu replied.

They kissed again, teasing each other's lips before their tongues joined the dance. Buffy could feel Satsu growing wet against her, and she was getting just as turned on as strong but gentle hands swept over her back. The sensation of having Satsu pressed against her was intoxicating. There was no other way she could describe it. When they laid together naked this way Buffy became lost to the thrill of it.

She began to move against Satsu slowly, feeling their arousal spill over each other in the heat quickly developing between them.

Buffy had always had a high sex drive but with Satsu it was different – it was more needy, more insistent. How could she have walked away from her back in Japan when all she'd wanted to do was feel her skin soft against her own? It hadn't been possible. She couldn't say goodbye.

“I love being naked with you,” Buffy said breathlessly as she placed kisses down Satsu's throat to her chest.

“Definitely with you on that one,” Satsu responded before releasing a sigh as Buffy's lips pulled on her nipple.

Sucking the dark nipple into her hot mouth, Buffy trailed a hand along Satsu's side, feeling her tremble for her as she scraped her nails lightly over her skin. She teased on the nipple a little, sucking and kissing before moving over to the other one. She'd learned exactly what Satsu liked in their short time together. It wasn't as if she now thought she knew all there was to know about the girl-on-girl stuff, but Buffy was a quick learner, and Satsu was a perfect teacher. And she'd definitely learned to love going down on Satsu.

At first she'd been wary, worrying about the mess and if she'd be any good, but now she couldn't do it enough. She loved how wet Satsu would get; tasting her and feeling her heat so intimately. Getting Satsu to come in her mouth was one hell of an aphrodisiac.

Kissing her way down Satsu's taut stomach, Buffy had one goal in mind. She lifted Satsu's legs a little to place her shoulders underneath, drowning in the delicious scent coming from the girl beneath her. Satsu's breaths were coming faster - a slight tremble and a quiet moan breaking free from her as Buffy kissed over her wet folds. Buffy moaned too; completely enamored with the taste now coating her lips.

She opened her mouth to take in more flesh, sucking on Satsu as she kissed, as Satsu's arousal spilled into her mouth making her dizzy with desire.

“Buffy,” Satsu gasped breathlessly.

A hand wound softly into Buffy's hair as she slipped her tongue over Satsu's sex, sneaking it between her folds; licking soft and slow before finding the hard little clit that would have her lover moving against her mouth. She circled it and flicked over it, feeling Satsu tense and shudder for her. Buffy loved the reactions she got - feeling powerful, high on sensation and the knowledge that what she was doing felt incredibly good. She wanted to spend hours just licking and sucking, but she could already feel Satsu edging towards climax – her clit still sensitive from earlier in the day.

Satsu moaned deeply as Buffy teased her dripping entrance with her fingers as she sucked firmly on her. She thought about teasing Satsu for as long as she could, but the wanton moan and strong fingers in her hair told her that Satsu needed her now.

Sliding her fingers into Satsu, Buffy groaned as she enjoyed the feel of her tightness taking her inside. Hot and wet - it was always so sexy it almost made her come herself.

“You feel so good, so wet,” Buffy said as she looked up at Satsu.

Satsu's eyelids drifted shut and she licked her lips as she arched into Buffy's touch. Her hips moved in time with Buffy's fingers as she slid them in and out, going deeper and faster every time. When Satsu began to moan with every stroke, Buffy began to thrust harder, filling Satsu with her fingers.

“Oh, Buffy,” Satsu gasped as Buffy flicked her tongue over her swollen clit. “Fuck me harder, baby.”

Buffy grinned as she took Satsu's clit into her mouth once again, sucking hard as her fingers pushed deep inside her. Satsu hadn't called her baby before, but she liked it.

Using a little more strength, Buffy plunged her fingers into Satsu, rubbing over the sensitive area she'd discovered inside her. She knew it wouldn't be long until she was calling her name and coming for her. The feel of Satsu's hot, wet sex, her trembling and the sound of her gasps and sighs had Buffy dripping between her legs. She thought about moving her other hand down so she could slip her fingers over her own clit, but her hand was busy holding Satsu as still as she could as she fucked her.

“Oh, fuck!” Satsu called out.

She shook for Buffy, her come spilling over her fingers as they swirled and plunged. With every tremble she moaned Buffy's name and pulled her deeper inside. She was open wide for Buffy, her legs spread and bent at the knee, hips thrusting upwards to meet the demanding fingers. She was going to come again, and Buffy wanted to be closer to her. She wanted to feel the trembling against her body.

Without removing her fingers, Buffy gave Satsu's clit a final lick before quickly moving up so she was hovering over her. Leaving room for the hand still pleasuring Satsu, she rested down on top of her, needing to feel the heat of her skin against her own.

“God, you're amazing,” Buffy sighed as she felt her own sex start to contract without even being touched.

Satsu wrapped one arm around Buffy, holding her tight as her other arm slipped between them. Before she could fully comprehend the move, Buffy gasped as quick fingers rubbed hard over her throbbing clit. They started to come together; hot breaths spilling over each other as Buffy rested her forehead on Satsu's, her fingers wrapped in her lover as her palm banged up against her in just the right place.

They moaned meaningless words and expletives, pushing each other hard over the edge; breaths loud and quick and hearts pounding.

“Oh, oh, oh, yes, Satsu!” Buffy practically screamed as she climaxed and collapsed onto Satsu.

The scent of sex and heat covered them and held them tight, trembling bodies pulling the last of their orgasms from them. Buffy smiled loosely, her mind fraying at the edges as she felt herself dripping all over her lover's fingers; her own hand covered in sticky juices she'd enjoy licking off later.

It always felt so good. Every time made her brain repeat the mantra “wow” over and over. If she'd known it would be like this she would have started having sex with girls long ago. But then, a big part of her knew it was more about Satsu than just the girl thing. Something about her that just clicked, that worked. If she was ever going to fall in love again . . . Buffy hoped it would be with Satsu.

She felt her heart flutter a bit at the thought and slowly slid her fingers free of her lover, resting to her side so she could look up at her easily.

Brown eyes bathed her in love and gratitude as Satsu smiled openly at her, her arms holding Buffy close. She knew Satsu wanted to tell her she loved her. She could see it - she could even feel it – but she knew it must have hurt to know she wouldn't hear Buffy say it back.

It made Buffy feel guilty, and sad. She didn't want to hurt the girl in her arms and she did care for her . . . she just wasn't sure about love anymore. Love had only ever burned her. Looking deep into Satsu's eyes, Buffy didn't know if it would burn her this time, but she did know it would only take one short step to fall, to give in, to let Satsu into her heart.

It wouldn't be the same as Angel – he'd always be special. First loves always were. And it wouldn't be the same as Riley; Buffy still wasn't even sure if she had truly loved him. The only other person she was sure she'd fallen in love with was Faith, and she knew whatever she would come to feel for Satsu wouldn't be the same as that. Nothing would ever burn as bright or hurt as much as what she'd felt for Faith.

There was room in her heart for Satsu despite that, but she was scared of letting go again.

Finding herself drowning in her pretty eyes, and relaxing under her touch, Buffy tried to let go. Her heart shuddered under Satsu's gaze, wanting to reach out to her.

“You can say it,” Buffy said quietly, still noticing and feeling that Satsu wanted – and probably needed - to say it.

Smiling a thank you, Satsu stroked gentle fingers over Buffy's back before leaning down to give her a soft kiss.

“I love you,” Satsu whispered.

Buffy felt her heart shudder again and she brushed her lips over Satsu's, daring herself to allow the feelings threatening to engulf her to run free.

She pulled back, touching Satsu softly on the cheek; looking into her eyes and knowing she deserved something back this time.

“I know I could love you too,” Buffy said quietly, seeing the emotions so clearly in Satsu's eyes. “I know I'm falling. I just need a little more time.”

Hoping Satsu understood that it was a good thing and not a bad thing, Buffy kissed the cute little nose she'd grown to adore. She covered them both with the blanket and laid back down on Satsu, trapping their heat between them - snuggling back into the comforting embrace.

“I can wait,” Satsu said sleepily, the sound of a content smile on her lips.

“I'd like that,” Buffy responded.

She knew it was only a matter of time before her heart let go completely of Faith and allowed her to love again. She wanted to love again, and if Faith couldn't be the one to be with, to share her heart with . . . then Satsu wasn't a bad runner up. In fact, she was pretty damn close to perfect.

The End