Chapter One

Okay I gotta admit, I’m having a blast. I’m throwing two kids all the hell over the place, and there’s nothing but fun in it. They’re so fucking cute, and having superhero strength and energy just makes it better for everybody.

Plus, playing with them lets me keep my eyes off the drop dead gorgeous blonde sitting in her white and green bathing suit next to the parents of the kids. It’s tough not to stare at her with the sun pounding down and making her look all golden and wet and hot.

And why the hell's Kev leaning in so close to her for? He's got his own woman and she's right there next to him. Wonder how he'd like to get his face punched in so he can…Oh, false alarm. Guy just kinda lost his balance, so I don't gotta bust up his other leg for him.

No clue what he's sayin' to B, but she looks like she wants to stake him. He's so not getting it, he's smiling back at her and still talking like they're pals. I can't figure out why she's lookin' at him like that, and now Cyn's chiming in with that proud look on her face and B is…

Fuck, the little shits just dunked me. Fine, now let’s see how easy they are to scare.

I just hang around the drain for awhile wondering how it is that more people don’t get stuck in them. They can’t be safe, but whatever. Ya get caught, I consider it natural selection. Gotta weed out the dumb asses some kinda way.

I can see’em up there, and when they get lined up just right, I head for’em. I do it perfect, snatching them by their suits and tossing them high into the air far apart so they got no chance of banging together on the way down.

They’re screaming their heads off, but they both shut up in time to grab a coupla lungs full of air. They’re cute and smart, and their asses are under the water. They both swim like fish, but I keep a close watch anyway…That fuckin’ drain’s a menace.

Man, I could do this all day long. I love kids, and these ones are nothing but a good time. Smart, funny, and neither of'em are crybabies. They like roughhousing and Gladys is tough as nails. Terrell's not far behind her, but he works the charm angle first whenever he can. I fall for it every time.

Uh-oh, Cindy decides it's time to play "Mom". Even though my own never did anything close to that, I've seen it enough with other kids to know the party's over.

"Okay kids, time to get out."

They both start hangin' onto me like leeches, and Gladys whispers for me to protect them. Right. I can save'em from monsters, but from their mom? Not likely. But then Terrell looks at me all sad, so I'm thinking of hauling ass with them. What can she really do to me?

"Excuse me, what did I just say?"

They're not backing down, these two got guts and so I'm gonna hang tough too. I look around for the best way to get us past the "Mom" monster, but then she goes scary on us:

"I gave you ten extra minutes, now get your behinds out of that pool."

Before I can blink, they're offa me and hurrying out of the water like scared kids instead of my backup. I gotta admit I'm relieved. Not sure how I could fly under the radar long with two kids attached to me, plus well, they're the neatest family ever and I wouldn't wanna mess that up.

Kev dries'em off like a pro, then sends them to their mom for some shit job they gotta do. Cyn lays it out like she's in charge of boot camp and it sucks because the troops got no leeway at all. Guess there's always gotta be a sarge ridin' the grunts every step of the way.

Meanwhile Kevin's trying to get up, but his crutches are to hell and gone and his chair's got no arms. B's so sweet. She's on her feet before he even asks, pulling him up and handing him his walking sticks with a smile. He does that thing all guys do when they're around any pretty woman, then panics like every good guy does when he realizes he almost crossed the line.

Cindy's on him like shit on a shingle, and he backpedals and smoothes it over so fast, I got nothin' but admiration for him. I mean, what else was he gonna do? B was right on top of him being all B…he did good by not tryin' to cop a feel.

Next thing you know, the parents are back in love, and that shit just never gets old, 'cept that it hurts too. Because as happy as I am for them, and I am, I wish there was a way I could get that for myself. Never gonna happen though, and most days I can live just fine with that. But today for some reason, it stings pretty bad, so I decide to stay in the pool. I feel like I got a barrier in here, a little place to get myself squared away.

I know Kevin and Cindy's background: high school sweethearts who went to the same college, knew the second they met. All that's my story too. I met my girl in high school, went to her college once, and I knew the second we met that I loved her. But the end result's nowhere near the same, and it's never gonna be. And I live with it 'cause I gotta.

I tuned everybody out while I felt sorry for myself and now that I've shook it off, I hear the kids trying to worm another day out of their dad. He can't resist'em, they're so in. Cindy looks like her brain fell out of her head just from a kiss, and she's not sayin' shit. See what I mean about how smart the kids are? They're playin' this like pros.

Kevin's trying to figure it out, Cindy's mind's in the bedroom, and then Kev blows it by saying "credit card" out loud. Cindy snaps back like one of those mean ass rubber bands that hurt, and that's that. No staying, they're going. The kids are sad, but they take it without whining. They gave it their best shot and it didn't pan out, so they just suck it up and live to fight another day.

I wish they could stay. B looks all upset too, her body kinda sagged when she heard they were goin' for sure. She got attached and they're crazy about her. She'd be a good mom 'cause she can be a real bitch, just like Cindy. Somebody's gotta tell kids no, but it's not gonna be me as long as they're not gonna kill themselves. B would know where to draw the line day in and day out, and that's just somethin' a mom's s'posed to do.

The kids come running over to say goodbye. It makes me sad, but we're gonna stay in touch. I gave them our e-mail addresses, our phone numbers, and a hundred bucks each. Every kid needs some secret mad money burnin' a hole in their pocket, and once they're outta here, their parents will let'em keep it. I told them not to say shit until they were on the plane and in the air, so they'll be rolling in dough as they're winging their way back home.

Speaking of, the parents head over to thank me for everything which is cool, but then they start getting specific. They start telling me what a hero I am and I try to stop'em, telling them the hero's over there with their kids. I explain I just tag along with her, but they ignore me and keep right on singing my praises.

Not sure how I could be more fucking embarrassed. I feel like telling them all of the horrible things I've done, then watching them grab their kids and run for their lives. But I don't. I just keep smiling, taking the compliments like I deserve'em and wishing I could drown myself in the pool.

After a million years, they get off the hero thing and talk about the kids. That works for me, and I don't mind them thanking me for being so good to them. I got no problems with that at all, and I tell'em their kids are fantastic, just like kids oughta be. I also let'em know that they're gonna make'em proud their whole life, and that swings both ways. They both kinda choke up, but I shove'em off on B before they start bawling.

B looks like she's thinking about something, but I can see it's gonna happen…4…3…2…1…and here come the waterworks. They even got Kevin cryin' like a pussy, which makes sense, I guess.

B is the fave of moms and dads everywhere, plus she did save their lives. I told'em before, I'll tell'em again: Buffy's the real deal. The best Slayer, the best person, the best everything. Just gotta look at her to get that.

Then they're gone, 'cept the kids come running back just like kids do to see if they can kill us with another round of goodbyes. It's tough to let'em go, but we're gonna stay in touch, which makes me feel a lot better. Then it's real, they're gone and not coming back…leaving me and B all alone.

I'm not exactly lookin' forward to who's gonna show up next. No way they're gonna be as great as what we had, plus we'll have to hide that we're Slayers. The Dawsons knew what we were, that's how they met us, so that was cool. Nobody blinked when I picked up Kevin and carried him to where there were cabs to take him to the hospital. No questions got asked when Buffy picked up the huge flowerpots and moved them away from where the kids were playing.

So unless Red and Cyclops pull off the world's biggest surprise, odds are we're gonna get some assholes next door. Nothing anybody can do about that, but I'd pay good money for Willow and Xander to show because it's way too obvious that it's just me and B now. I got myself ready for it before, but then I got used to havin' somebody running interference like at home. Now I gotta get myself back in the groove.

I can't stay in here forever, but holy fuck does she look good sitting there. Even her stupid suit that covers way too much skin is perfect. It's kind of a skimpy one piece, but I don't have a clue why she doesn't wanna show her stomach. I've seen it a billion times and it's flat and toned and tan. When we spar and she's got it on display, she always kicks my ass because I can only stare at the way her abs come and go with every flex.

Okay, this is nuts, and unless I'm planning to avoid her for the next fifty years, I gotta get out of this pool. I try to look all casual as I hop clear, but I almost slip and dunk myself when I see she's got her shades on.

Damn, I love that look, even though it hides her eyes. She looks like one of those hot as fuck, sexy movie stars. Not the new ones, but the old time ones who had real style.

I love classic flicks. Way better than the shit they put out now 'cause back then the women were real women. All ballsy and sexy and smart. Some of them could even be called ugly, but fuck that. You got a mouth on you and a brass pair like Bette Davis, well, you're rockin' it. I'd fuck her, and I admire her and those other broads back in the day. Bitches had it goin' on in spades and so does B.

She could fit right in except she's hotter and smarter and ballsier than any of'em. But I do miss seeing her eyes. They're always green, but sometimes they're mixed with brown, and up close they look sort of goldish. The color's never the same from minute to minute, depends on her mood. They shift: darken, lighten, go cold, flare hot, get happy, get pissed, and I love looking into them even when she's mad at me.

Anyway, she's a movie star, and I almost slip like a love struck fan. I gotta use my Slayer strength to hang on and keep moving up and out, 'stead of dunking myself like a total ass. I turn to look at the view which is nice, but nothing compared to the sight of Buffy relaxing in the sun just a few feet away. I gotta say something about it, it's pushing its way outta me like it needs to be free.

"Man, sure is something to see."

"It sure is."

She thinks I'm talking about the view which works for both of us, and I shake my head because I can't believe how fucking beautiful she is and that I get to be here with her. I try to act normal because that's my thing in this kinda sitch, plus I'm thirsty as hell and she's sitting right next to the drinks. I smile at her, then grab my Coke. It's empty, so I go for hers.

"What the hell?"

She does her innocent act which means she's guilty.

"Hmm?"

"What happened to the drinks?"

"Aren't they there?"

I pretend to be mad, but we both know I'm not.

"Christ B, not like you were even doing anything. Just been lazing around on your ass."

"True, but my lazing was done with all my might."

She's as cute as fuck, so I call her a pig and head inside for another round. I take an extra few seconds to get myself settled down.

This isn't new, this sitch 'tween me and B, and I usually handle it a lot better. Just seems I've been all worked up the last few weeks, and I need to calm my dumb ass down before I get myself in trouble. I breathe in and out deep, which always works for me because it's so fucking stupid.

Why do people say that shit? It's breathing, moron, what we all wanna keep doing just as long as we can. Not like I need special instructions, it's an instinct, and I'm never gonna be so stupid I need tips on how to do it.

I grab us each a can and head back out. I feel fine now, back to being just friends. I open hers for her and hand it over because I know she likes it, then I jump over her because I'm too lazy to walk around. I land perfect, right in the center of my chair so it barely tips. I take a sip and I can't stop. I polish it off, stifle the belch that wants to blow out, and then I wonder why I'm so stupid.

"Damn, shoulda brought two."

Maybe I can get B to hand hers over. I try to look so comfy that she'd have to be wicked heartless to make me move. I lean over and give her my best smile:

"Hey, any chance you could maybe…"

Score! She gives it up like she was expecting to have to, and my face hurts I'm grinning so big. I take a huge slug and then I pay her back by trying to wind her up.

"Jesus Christ, how can you drink this crap?!"

She answers all calm that she likes it, but I'm nowhere near done with her.

"Ya can't. Tastes like somebody pissed in a can."

"And just how many cans of piss have you drunk in your life?"

She's got me there, but this ain't about logic.  This is about irritating her, and if she doesn't start playin' along, I'm gonna have to pull her hair.

"Just this one…Fuck!"

I drain the can, then make a puking sound because I know she hates that.

"Good thing I got Slayer healing."

She goes all high and mighty on me:

"If you keep insulting my favorite drink, you're going to need it."

I look at her all smartass and turn it sexual, just like I've always done since we met. It's something we both expect me to do, something she's always let me get away with, and I gotta find the fun wherever it is.

"I can take your lazy ass any time I want."

She doesn't react and we relax and look out at the million dollar view. 'Cept I'm not seeing it at all, I'm just seeing me and B naked as I think of all the ways I'd love to take her. Maybe up against the railing so she can look at the ocean while I get down on my knees behind her and…

Okay, that's not where I need my mind going at all…but fuck, I'd love to slam her against the side of the pool, hold her arms down on the deck with her feet floating, and just sort of make her crazy while I taste every piece of her I can. Bet she tastes like…

I pull my brain offa that whole deal and think about something safe. The Dawsons pop into my head and I go with them 100%. They're gone, but still providing me with a Buffy…buffer.

I musta made a noise because she says:

"What?"

"Nothing…Just gonna miss'em, is all."

"Me too."

And then I'm off and running about some of the shit we did. Me and B took the kids a few places since Kevin wasn't up to speed, and we had a great time with them. B would start off a little tense, I guess the pressure of being responsible for somebody else's kids weighed on her a little, but after a bit she'd loosen up. We spoiled'em rotten, but eventually B would rein us in a bit. Somebody had to and I trusted her to do it every time.

"B, how funny was it when TKO got his gum in Gladys' hair? Think she would have wasted him if you hadn't known how to get it out. Can't tell me that cotton candy thing wasn't the Gladinator's revenge. Fuck, it was neat having little kids around, yeah?"

"Mmm…"

"Sure are a great family. They really love each other."

"Uh-huh."

I got no clue why she's not saying words here. She thought that shit was hysterical when it happened, and I know she loved being around a family for a while.

"And how cool is it that they won that contest? Nobody ever wins that shit, ya know?"

"Mmm hmm."

Now she's got me worried because usually whenever I talk like Yogi Berra, she calls me "Yankee Lover" which always gets me going.

"Hey, you okay?"

She says she's just tired, which makes sense 'cause she's been tossing and turning. I know she's all worried about us finishing the job because she takes it wicked serious. I take mine that way now too, but I also still know how to let it go sometimes.

B knows too, but sometimes she forgets. That's where I come in as her friend and co-worker. She trusts me and she listens to me most of the time, and when I point out that she's doing her "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" thing, I can get her to let up on herself. So this is my cue and I never miss one of those, not when B's involved.

I go over the facts – how Giles told us to relax and enjoy ourselves until they get a fix on the bad guys, how we're ready and willing to go to work whenever and wherever that is, but how we also need a break sometimes. We're not doing anything wrong by enjoying our down time.

She says she gets it, she's just restless, and I believe her. But then I start wondering…maybe she doesn't like sleeping with me. I mean, we got here and expected two double beds, but there's just the one. It's a queen or something, but still.

I don't think she thinks I got cooties, but maybe she wants to stretch out or somethin'. I don't really wanna bring it up because for me the sitch is heaven, but what kinda friend doesn't try to help out her buddy?

"Maybe you need your own bed. Want me to see if I can grab another room?"

Please say no…Please say no…Please say no…

"No! I mean, Giles would never go for that."

I rag on Giles for being a cheapskate while I say a silent prayer to who the fuck ever, that she's okay with us bunking up. Sleeping in the same bed with B is like the high point of my life, and no way do I want it ending before it's gotta. I keep thanking God while I explain to B like she doesn't know, that Red must have made these swanky reservations since our Watcher always sticks us in shitholes.

I go on for a while, then wrap up the G-Man smackdown 'cause it's just not as much fun when he's not here. I love harassing him, seeing how much I can get away with. He cuts me almost as much slack as he cuts B, which makes me feel special and loved. That works out good 'cause I love the guy right back.

He acts all boring and stuffy, but I know for damn sure he's got a lot going on under the surface. He's kinda turned into a father to me, and I've never had one of those before, leastways not one who wasn't a bad guy. There's nobody I respect more than Giles, except the woman I'm talking to.

I let out a huge breath and relax because this trip has been like paradise for me, and it's not over yet.

"Best place I've ever stayed in. It's fucking awesome."

"It is beautiful."

Then I give her one more chance because…I don't know, I guess I wanna pretend she wants to be here with me.

"So the bed sharing's not a problem then?"

"Not for me. Is it for you?"

I wanna slap her for bein' so stupid, instead my voice comes out like I think she's nuts.

"You gotta be kiddin' me. I've never slept so good."

I realize I answered too on the nose, so I cover right away by giving the ocean all the credit. B buys it and then she's off, using her famous "Buffy" speak which I can barely follow in the best of times, let alone when I'm practically pissing my pants with relief.

I don't want her knowing I wasn't listening, so I ask her if she wants to maybe patrol to blow off some steam. I can't stop talking, and I explain all the benefits of slaying to the Slayer while I fantasize about her saying she'd rather just stay in and masturbate on top of me.

Then 'cause I'm me I go there, as close as I dare anyways, and move us back to where we're supposed to be:

"Or I guess you could just get yourself off in the shower, always works for me, what about you?"

"Mmm hmm."

I love it when she handles my sex jokes in stride and comes right back at me. I go to yank on her hair, but slug her in the arm at the last sec.

"Yeah, right! Fucking crack me up, B."