Faith's POV

I swear I'm gonna stop smokin' one of these days. It just ain't gonna be today.

I gotta say, Japan is surprisingly damp. It's raining, or more accurately, misting, like some damn lawn sprinkler in a gated community. I'm standing outside the main Slayer compound, doing just one of the many things I do well – chain smoking. Yea, some day I'll quit, 'cause the pack I've been puffin' through the past half an hour is doing nothin' to calm my nerves. Time to find a new addiction.

I wish we had a lake, or at least some view of a body of water. Somehow it always settles me. I don't know what it is…just being able to squish my toes in the sand and hear the gentle lapping of constant waves crashing on a shore. Don't tell anyone though; it might ruin this tough-girl image I've worked so hard at building. Instead I've got a view of a skinny-assed Japanese forest and the constant squabbling of annoying newbie Slayers squawkin' in the background.

I've been standing outside here in this light drizzle ever since my meeting with the original Scoobies. Fuck. I can't believe she's actually stepping down. I can't believe I'm in charge. I mean, hell, in Sunnydale, that's all I thought I wanted – to be The Slayer, to be the One Girl in All the World. Not to be playin' second fuckin' fiddle to the Great Buffy Summers. Careful what you wish for. Now I'm in charge of this wicked huge and powerful Slayer army – supposed to lead them to victory to end all evil, to end all magic, and therefore, to end the Slayer line. What the hell did I get myself into?

I wrap my arms around my body a little tighter, hoping to hold in some body heat. I'm gonna have to waterproof all my leathers. Or change my fashion style. "Fuck if that's happening,"I snort to myself.

I'm guessing this is what it's going to like at the castle in Scotland too – the main Slayer Headquarters – my new home? "Maybe I'll never be warm again," I shake my head. Just like a piece of driftwood – eternally soggy, but somehow still able to float on by. Okay, now I'm even starting to have ramble-y thoughts like her. I guess this is what happens when you're suddenly the Big Boss – the slow and steady creeping of insanity.

I can feel her standing behind me. She thinks she's stealthy, that I don't realize she's been standing there silently for the past few minutes, but I can always feel her. I could sense her presence getting closer even before she walked out on this balcony. It's like this buzzing or humming sensation that tickles my spine and only grows more pronounced when she gets closer. Sometimes it's so overpowering I have a hard time concentrating on what's going on around me. I guess I should be happy then that she's leaving.

She dropped a bombshell on all of us – first, giving me the steering wheel instead of one of the other Scoobs, and now telling us she's leaving for Cleveland. Not a vacation either. Staying for good until we really need her, she says. I thought that was supposed to be my thing – running away when things get tough. The thought had never crossed my mind that she wouldn't be a part of this battle – this final fight to once and for all destroy magic. Even when she turned the scythe over to me, I still thought she'd be hangin' out, naggin' me about all my decisions, making me second-guess myself.

It made a lot of sense when she brought it up last night. With me taking control of the group, it would unnecessarily complicate things. She didn't want people to take sides. I need to get them all to trust me, the old Scoobs and the new Slayers. I need to convince them to let me lead them through this next, final battle. And she thinks with her around, it would only be more difficult.

And since she's apparently made up her mind to leave for the States, there's not much sense in us trying out a relationship either. I've never been a stable relationship kinda girl anyway, let alone trying to make things work when a fuckin' ocean separates us. "Yea, it's for the best," I tell myself as I stomp on another wasted cigarette. Whatever. No time for love. Blah, fuckin' blah.

I just wish she realized how impossible it's going to be for me to just step in and take her place as leader of all of this. I never was much of a team player. Never was one for major plans and premeditated battles. But this is how it has to be, apparently. Plus whenever I look at Xander and Willow I know it's gonna be a long road until they'll trust me to not go all evil and psycho killer on them again. At least I've got Giles on my side finally. And apparently her too, not that it really matters since she's leaving me – I mean leaving us.

I turn suddenly so I'm staring at her. She looks so fuckin' perfect as usual in form-fitting jeans and a small zip-up hoodie over her tank top. Hell, Buffy could be wearin' nothing but tinfoil and she'd still take my breath away. I just want to hold her, but I'm afraid of being so clingy, so touchy, especially with her leavin' so soon and all. It's not that I'm afraid of showing my cards to her. She knows how I feel, especially after last night. I just don't want to get used to the feeling of her body so close to mine. It'll only make it hurt more when she's gone if I can't stop thinking about the way her body molds into mine when I hold her in my arms.

I sigh, throwing my arms up. "I don't see why we can't just send one of the more experienced fighters to the Mistake by the Lake." She doesn't look surprised that I knew she was standing there. She knows I feel her 'cause she can feel me too.

"Like…" I pause and go through a list of names in my head. "Kennedy!" I exclaim. "I'd love to ship that little brat back to a Hellmouth." I cross my arms across my chest, pouting like the pampered brat that I seem to have suddenly turned into.

She smiles a small knowing smile. "You don't want to risk that, Fai. You know that as well as me. Ken's a package deal with Willow. If she was to get seriously injured or killed and Willow thinks it's your fault…" she shakes her head slowly. "We need Wills on our side. Not Twilight's."

"But the Hellmouth's not even open!" I protest, my voice rising a little. "It just needs a babysitter, not a real Slayer."

Buffy's frowning now, knowing I'm not gonna drop this easily. "Even if Ken got hit by a non-mystical bus in Cleveland, Willow would still blame you."

I take a step closer, full knowing that the woman standing before me has the ability to destroy me with a look or a word. "Why are you suddenly so concerned about the witch's love life?" I ask, perplexed. "I mean, sure Red's your best bud and all, but when did that mean special treatment?"

A kind of sadness washes over her angelic features and I want to erase my question as soon as it escapes my stubborn mouth. She shoves her hands in her pockets and looks into the distance. "Before you came to Japan – before any of us came here," she starts slowly. "Willow and I went on a mission to learn more about Twilight. It's how we know that magic's time is limited."

She looks again at me and wets her lips. "There was a house – a kind of containment field for this mystical demon thingy, went by the name of Sephrilian, who had the power to make our secrets reveal themselves. Willow found out how we, uh, afford the things we do and I found out that – that…" she stutters a little on the final words, "that Willow blames me for Tara's death."

"What?" I yell. If I was mellow and melancholy before, now I'm livid. "That's fucked up, B. How the hell does she have the nerve to pin that on you?" I'm steaming. I wanna punch something, anything, but more specifically a tarty little redhead.

"Shhh, hey…. calm down, okay?" She's touching my face now with just the tips of her fingers, trying to get me to control my anger. It's like an electric shock every time she touches me – like sticking your tongue on a 9-volt battery.

"She's – she's right in a messed up way," she continues. "If I had stayed dead that whole thing with Warren would never have happened. Tara and Willow, they would have gotten you out of jail somehow to take my place and then they could have moved away from Sunnydale with Dawn to start a new life."

I'm shaking my head and my body's nearly shaking with anger. How dare that witch try to blame Tara's death on Buffy. After all Buffy's done for her and everyone else. Who needs enemies when you've got friends like that? "That's madness, B, and you know it," I try to tell her. "They would never have trusted me enough to bust me outta the pokey, let alone trust me to watch over the Hellmouth without them playin' babysitter."

She's looking at the ground now, her voice little more than a soft murmur. "Maybe, but regardless. You can't be taking chances with Kennedy's life."

I can't understand her caution. I know she's careful with all the newbie Slayer's lives, not wanting to put any of them in unnecessary danger, but no one's ever gotten such special consideration. "Why are you so afraid of Red?" I ask. "We've got an army of kick-ass girls with super-powers. She's just one Wicca."

"That demon," she explains, looking up at me now with her big hazel-green eyes, "the one who revealed our secrets – he also showed us the future-"

"The future? Like flying cars and robots and the Jetsons?" I interrupt. I know I'm an ass, but I can't help but want to lighten her mood. The look in her eyes is far too serious for me to feel comfortable.

"No, silly. Our futures. My future." Buffy pauses. "And – and I was alone. And hurt. And scared." She looks shaken, like she's remembering how it felt all over again. "There was a woman who helped us there, who said I would be betrayed…the closest, most unexpected betrayal," she breathes.

I'm staring now, my jaw a little slack. "You – you don't think Red would actually turn on you, do you?"

"I don't know," she sighs. Her body looks heavy as if our conversation has placed a heavy weight on her shoulders. "If I hadn't seen it once before…after Tara was killed, I would never ever entertain that thought. But you weren't there, Fai." Her voice is insistent and a little higher pitched than normal. I can physically see her body becoming more and more agitated as she remembers. "She tried to bury Dawnie and me. She – she had so much power. She tried to destroy the world. She hurt innocent people."

"Aw, but who hasn't tried that once or twice before," I joke, trying unsuccessfully to keep the conversation light. I'm smiling wide so my dimples show. Oh yea, I know they're irresistible; don't think I don't know how to use them to my advantage. Just like I know Buffy's gotta practice that patented little half-smile thing she does that makes my stomach go all gooey. God, I'm such a sap sometimes.

She's not smiling now though, so I get real quiet. It feels like a dark cloud has suddenly passed over us. A thought is stuck in my head and I can't seem to shake it. "You don't think that it's me do you?" My voice comes out low and raspy. "You don't think that maybe I'm the one who hurt you in that vision?"

Buffy opens her mouth like a feeding fish, but nothing comes out, so I fill in the words for her. "I'm just such a fuck up, B," I rant. I start pacing a little on the balcony. "Everything good in my life always turns to shit. And I don't think I could live with myself if I betrayed you again." I stop pacing and look over at her, afraid of her reaction.

"Well then," she clears her throat, almost business like. "The solution's simple. Don't hurt me." She says the words as if it was the easiest concept in the world. I just nod somberly, my mind still a chaotic whirl of thoughts.

"How about New York, then?" I blurt out suddenly. "We've got a team there already; she could, like, be their squad leader or something."

She's laughing softly now and stepping closer, immediately increasing the buzzing in my body. "I can't keep up with the course of your thoughts," she says, poking me in the side. I don't care how she touches me, just as long as she does. She coulda slapped me right across the face and I'd still be humming from her touch.

"Sorry, B," I apologize and look at her sheepishly. "Ever since you handed over the reins it's just been wicked busy inside." I tap my forehead, clarifying my words. "I still don't understand why you have to be the one to go to Cleveland, though. Why not a group of newbies?"

She rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed to still be talking about this. "You said it yourself, Faith; the Hellmouth's not that active. You should pull the team that's there now and redistribute them to other locations. Plus we should be using Robin more effectively."

"Oh, I already used him," I say, wiggling my eyebrows and grinning like a wolf.

"Stop it," she frowns, almost whining. "You know what I mean." She sticks out her bottom lip to form an easy pout and my heart flip-flops. "Besides, that's disgusting. If you're going to be sharing my bed, no talking about your past conquests."

I kinda choke at her words, surprised I guess that she's still talking about us sharing anything, let alone her bed. I don't really know what to say in response, so I just do what my instincts are screaming at me to do and wrap my arms around her slender waist. I nuzzle her neck with my nose, silently praying to the gods that she doesn't reject my advances.

"Aw, baby," I tease. "You're not jealous, are you?" I'm trying to play it cool even though she's turned my insides into jelly. I should get points for not stumbling on the words.

Go me.

"As if," she scoffs. Her words say she's annoyed with me, but she's not doing anything to distance herself or pull away from my embrace. "I just know how little time we have left before I leave for Cleveland and I don't want to waste it talking about you and Robin Wood."

And that's when she tilts her head up slightly and places the sweetest kiss on my stunned mouth. She pulls away and she's licking her lips like she's just devoured a tasty treat. Who am I to argue though? I am damn tasty.

"Lets not waste anymore time then, B," I murmur before capturing her lips again with my own.

Definitely, go me. Oh yea.

I've kissed girls before, but kissing Buffy is unlike anything I've ever experienced or felt. Kissing Buffy is like eating cotton candy. You know when you eat a strand of the sugary stuff and it just melts on your lips and tongue without really any kind of pressure? Just, light as air, melting, vanishing and leaving something sweet and sugary in its place. And I've become addicted and want more.

The sound of heavy boots on the staircase alerts my senses, but I don't want this kiss to end. With her leaving for Cleveland so soon, who knows when I'll get another moment like this one. But, I also don't want unnecessary rumors flying around the Slayer ranks, so I push Buffy slightly away, ending the kiss. Her face is a mixture of confusion and annoyance. I can tell she's as breathless as I am though. I can almost hear her heartbeat thumping in her chest.

Don't think I'm not without my own skills.

A sudden voice startles both of us: "Ms. Lehane, ma'am."

I still gotta get used to the formality of these Slayer troops. These girls certainly aren't here to have pillow fights and braid each other's hair – they're all about the mission. Kinda makes me feel guilty for how…unorthodox I behaved in my Sunnydale days.

I silently vow in that moment to make a better effort to learn the names of the new girls. If I'm gonna ask them to sacrifice their lives and trust my leadership, the least I can do is give them one of my patented nicknames, no matter how unoriginal.

The girl is standing all at attention, her body stiff and rigid. "Here's the phone number you requested, ma'am," she reports.

I try to not look alarmed at being called "ma'am," so I wordlessly nod, taking the slip of paper from this nameless Slayer and dismiss her with a wave of my hand. I look over at Buffy and can tell she's kind of grateful that I had the sense to end the kiss when I did. Fuck, I wanna go back to exploring her mouth; but I gotta take care of something first. I pull my cell phone outta my impossibly tight pants and flip it open.

"Are you sure you want to call him?" Buffy asks me softly, keeping her distance. "I just mean with everything that's happened between the two of you…."

"I know it's a messed up situation," I agree, nodding my head. "But…but a part of me is like it has to be him. Like the PTBs would smile down on the irony of it all." I rake my fingers through my hair. Nervous habit, I guess.

She's crossing her arms and looking at me like I fell off the short bus. "I don't think the Powers-That-Be are talking to him much anymore," she reminds me.

"True that," I answer, "but he's still one of the Good Guys, right?" My voice is tinged with something that resembles hope. Fuck, I really hope he's not working for the other side.

Buffy just shrugs noncommittally, but I know me calling him is eatin' her up on the inside. The Scoobs had been so busy with their own paltry world-domination and finding all the newly called Slayers, that they'd lost touch with everyone outside of their intimate circle. Hell, I'm proof of that.

They had their heads shoved so far up their…well, you get the picture…they didn't even know what had happened to Los Angeles until one of them suggested asking the LA gang to help out when the scythe was stolen. I mean, I can't really blame them too much for their ignorance. It's not like there was a major news bulletin announcing that the city had been sucked into Hell. But, damn it, of all the people in the world, shouldn't we be up on that gossip? Seems to me like it's a pretty big deal when the 2nd largest city in the States suddenly goes missing.

When I asked our coven to track down his number so I could ask him to help us, nearly all the Scoobies balked at my idea. Buffy stayed silent on the issue as usual – she hasn't been offering up too many official opinions since giving me control of the group; Xander never really liked Angel to begin with so opening up any kind of communication with the LA gang seemed dubious in his view; and Willow…Willow I think she just was pissed cause I was the one who came up with the idea.

Tough. I'm the Chosen One. I've got the scythe to prove it.

I take a deep breath to steady myself and dial the number printed on the slip of paper. With each ring, my stomach is tying itself into more and more knots. After all that's happened, I can't quite believe I'm actually going to ask him to help us. Hell, I don't even know if he can.

Buffy looks at me, gesturing that she'll leave me if I want her to, but I hold up a hand and mouth for her to stay. I'm hoping this won't take that long.

I kinda wish I had taken up Red on her offer to fly me so the meeting could happen face-to-face rather than over the phone. But, where he's at….not exactly Disneyland. Or wait, maybe it is? Oh man, maybe the "Happiest Place on Earth" is now the "Helliest Place on Earth." Oh, irony, how I've missed you.

Anyway, I think I'll ease myself slowly into the whole "Willow Express" thing. I know girlfriend is all like zippin' around in the air and shit, but maybe I'll just have her enchant a magic carpet or something for me. But it woulda been hella sweet to see the look on his face when I tell him that I'm in charge now.

Wait. I wonder if he even has a face?

The ringing suddenly stops, breaking my train of thought and I hear the receiver click as the phone across the globe is finally answered. "Hello?" The voice is curt and businesslike.

"Aw shit, man," I laugh, nervously running my fingers through my hair. "I was worried you'd be sleeping with the wicked time difference. Sorry, I guess I don't even know if you can sleep. Wait, was that just rude of me to say that? Sorry, dude. My bad." Damn, did I just channel Red? Cause I'm babbling like a river.

The male voice on the other side coughs and releases a strangled noise of surprise.

"Faith? Good heavens….is that you?" the voice squeaks.

I feel myself grinning and despite my nerves, I'm falling back into my cocky and self-assured attitude.

"The one and only, Wes."

He's not saying anything; still stunned I suppose to hear my voice, so I make with the idle chit-chat 'cause I'm not really sure how to ask for his help yet.

"So, I guess ghosts have telephone numbers?" I ask cheekily.

"Well, Wolfram & Hart's bloody standard perpetuity clause may keep me without a solid body, but they do have a decent wireless plan," Wes states very matter of fact. "Plus, the phones are somehow working now that the City Lords have been defeated."

"So you guys really are in Hell? As in the Hell?" I ask a little too over-eagerly cause of my nerves. "The big hot Jacuzzi of Evil?"

"You always did have a way with words, Faith," Wes chuckles kinda uptight-like. "But I'm guessing this unexpected call is business rather than catch-up time." He pauses. "We hadn't heard from your group in a while."

I inwardly groan at the reminder. I'd hoped he wouldn't point out the blindingly obvious fact that the former Sunnydale group had all but abandoned them in LA. "Well, it wasn't really my group," I explain, almost apologetically. "I was watching over the Hellmouth in Cleveland until Giles recruited me for some wet works. Everyone else was kinda camped out in Scotland."

"Yes, how is Rupert?" he asks. I'm not sure if he's asking cause he's interested or just being polite.

"Alive…so better than you, I guess," I shrug.

"Touché."

"Anyway, Wes. That's why I'm callin'…" I take a deep breath and plunge into my carefully practiced speech. "Listen, I know you and I haven't exactly seen eye-to-eye in the past…but…uh…I need your help with something."

"I'm listening," he replies cautiously.

"Buffy's retiring and I'm taking over the Slayers –" I start, but am immediately interrupted by Wesley nearly as soon as the words escape my lips.

"Good Lord," he exclaims.

I sigh, frowning at his knee-jerk reaction. "Yea, you and me both."

I flash a look over at Buffy. It's the first time I've actually said the phrase aloud and it feels funny on my tongue. Buffy's retiring. She doesn't really react at my words; she's just kinda hugging herself, trying to stay warm with it being all drizzly out. Damn, she's all kinds of beautiful.

Wesley sounds flustered and very British on the other line. "I just meant that – oh bullocks. I'm sorry, that was totally uncalled for. You're going to be an excellent leader, Faith." He almost sounds genuine.

"Yea, yea…save it for my eulogy," I brush him off, moving on. "So anyway, Wes. With me taking over the group, I need someone – someone I can trust – to take care of all the mini-me's out there."

"Come again?" he asks.

I kinda chuckle darkly. "Let's just say that some of the girls who were Called make the Old Faith look like a friggin' saint."

"Oh, I see…" he states slowly before pausing again, thinking about my words obviously. I'm sure if he weren't already dead he'd be totally freaked. "And just what do you mean when you say 'take care of'?" he asks suspiciously.

I wanna tell him everything. I wanna tell him about the thirty-seven Slayers I've had to kill over the past few months. I wanna tell him that I see their faces when I sleep. But I don't. He's not my Watcher anymore. Never was much of a Watcher in the first place.

"We take away their powers," I answer. "Simple as that." If only it were really that simple. "Our seers are still working to locate all the Called girls. We're not always that speedy in trackin' them down, and sometimes these newly amped up chicks aren't playing nice now that they've got these super powers. I need someone to take over for me and talk them into joining our side. That's where you'd come in. And on the plus side, since you're all I-have-no-body now, we save money on airfare."

"And if they refuse?" Yea, he still thinks I'm a murderer. But he's right.

"If they refuse, then I have Red – I mean Willow remove their super-powers."

Wes's voice suddenly becomes animated. "You've found a way to take away their powers?"

I hesitate a bit, letting his question swim in my head for a moment. I want to trust him, but something is telling me to withhold certain information.

"Wes, I know you're like the middle-man between Angel and that evil law-firm…" I'm weighing my words carefully. "But – but are you still on our side?"

I can hear Wesley sigh heavily into the phone. "I'm not always the one calling the shots, I'm afraid."

My heart sinks in my stomach a little. I really want to trust him, despite what I know about his contract with Wolfram & Hart. I wanted Wesley to be the one to save these girls …since….since he couldn't save me. I haven't really gotten over the fact that he called the Watcher's Council on me after Allan Finch. And I sure as hell know he's still touchy about that whole me torturing him thing. I had this crazy thought that if he was able to help rehabilitate some rogue Slayers, he and I could finally forgive each other, fighting on the same side. But if something evil is pulling his strings, there's no way I'm gonna risk the Slayer line like that. I'll just have to find someone else to help.

"Listen, Faith." Wes's voice jolts me back to the phone call. "Give me a little time and I'll get back to you about this. We're still trying to figure out how to reunite me with my body and…there's this little matter of Los Angeles being in Hell, of course. But I promise we'll figure it out." He pauses, obviously planning his next words carefully. "Faith, I won't let you down like I did in Sunnydale."

"Alright, Wes. Thanks." I flip my phone closed, ending the call. Buffy's looking at me with her eyebrows raised, expecting me to spill about our conversation, no doubt.

I look at her and shake my head. "Guess this is gonna be harder than I expected," I admit.

B doesn't say anything – doesn't judge me or give me pity. She just nods in agreement. She knows better than anyone the tough decisions a leader has to make. I guess I'm just starting to figure out and appreciate what life has been like for her all these years.

When you're the one on top, you're the one with the farthest to fall.

++++

TBC